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Passions in Poetry

WONDERING AND REALIZING- my first attempt at free verse, tell me what you think

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angel girl
Member
since 07-23-99
Posts 329
within a whisper...


0 posted 08-11-99 09:33 AM       View Profile for angel girl   Email angel girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for angel girl

Staring out the window,
Wondering who I am,
I see one lone shadow
Looking over the dam.

Peering down below her
At the crystal water
Watching the reflection
Of the warm glowing moon.

Seeking any answers
As to why she’s alive.
Thinking about her past
Remembering her Hell

Knowing how she survived
Realizing how she could
Help others just like her.
Survive through their own Hell.

Then all at once the dam broke loose,
and my mind came rushing back
I realized that shadow was me.
And I now can help others see.

How to escape their agony.

------------------
One touch of nature makes the whole world kin.
-William Shakespeare



[This message has been edited by angel girl (edited 08-11-99).]
© Copyright 1999 Liz - All Rights Reserved
poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 07-25-99
Posts 2961
Arkansas


1 posted 08-11-99 09:51 AM       View Profile for poetFemmeFatale   Email poetFemmeFatale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poetFemmeFatale

Your content is fabulous...nice imagery...could see it as I read it...help & write!

------------------
- poet FemmeFatale

"The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet


JP
Senior Member
since 05-25-99
Posts 1391
Loomis, CA


2 posted 08-11-99 10:02 AM       View Profile for JP   Email JP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JP's Home Page   View IP for JP

For your first attempt I would say you did a pretty good job overall.

Could it use something? Sure it could, but like any great chef, you'll figure that out with experience. Add a dash of salt, through in a deeper metaphor, stir it a bit, taste, test... and keep writing.

I enjoy what I see coming from you so far.


------------------
Dum spiro, spero
JP

Alwye
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Member Elite
since 06-16-99
Posts 3968
In the space between moments


3 posted 08-11-99 11:07 PM       View Profile for Alwye   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alwye

Wow, great job, considering this is your first attempt. I enjoyed this, it had a very good message. Keep up the great work.

------------------
*Krista Knutson*

"Your kiss upon my face feels like a brush with grace, baby thats all it takes to take me higher..." SHeDaisy
angel girl
Member
since 07-23-99
Posts 329
within a whisper...


4 posted 08-12-99 03:02 AM       View Profile for angel girl   Email angel girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for angel girl

Thank you poet, JP, and Alwye. Your comments mean a lot to me.

------------------
One touch of nature makes the whole world kin.
-William Shakespeare

RosePetal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 08-26-2001
Posts 3414
South Florida


5 posted 02-11-2002 07:14 PM       View Profile for RosePetal   Email RosePetal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RosePetal

good stuff here
SilentTears
Member
since 02-15-2003
Posts 373
Lost and Broken


6 posted 03-19-2003 04:12 PM       View Profile for SilentTears   Email SilentTears   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SilentTears

Very good imagery. I could definetly get a picture in mind of everything you were talking about. The first stanza, though, rhymes, and the rest doesn't. Did you mean for it to rhyme? Other than that, great job. I like it.
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