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Passions in Poetry

The Ravin' Toerag

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Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


0 posted 08-10-99 11:31 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Once upon a midnight snoozing
After a night of heavy boozing
With Poetwheel, my buddy, and old Long John at the bar
Suddenly, within mid-stumble, thought I heard a little mumble,
"What the world is that?", I grumbled
Standing near the kitchen door.
'Tis the breeze and nothing more.

Once again I tried to rise up,
Trying hard to get my thighs up
I heard that distant sound come somewhat louder than before.
"What the hell is happening here? Could it be Wheel with a beer?
That's it! A nightcap for good cheer.
Here I opened wide the door…..
Toerag sat…..and nothing more.

"Toe!", I cried. "What brings you here
Upon the steps of Balladeer
And why the hell are you dressed in a red Christian Dior?
Oh, dear Toe, please don't look so sad. Looks like you're going to go mad.
Please tell me now, my useless gonad
What brings you here to my back door?"
Quoth the Toerag…"please…..no…more"

"Why, Toerag, boy, my little cretin,
We know you've taken quite a beatin'
First by Balladeer and then by Wheel, three times more,
But you're the one who drew your guns and blasted me with witless puns
Now YOU'RE the one who lies undone
Impaled on my rhyming sword."
Quoth the Toerag…"please…no…more"

"HAH! You will find no pity here!
No brainless little ditty here.
Pure poetry comes out from each and every single pore.
So hold on to your mindless chatter in your head until it splatters
And you go mad as other hatters
Who had come to win before!"
Quoth the Toerag…."please…no…more"

And poor Toerag, never flitting,
Still is sitting, drooling, spitting,
Mumbling fragments of half-sentences and no one knows what for
For it was made so very clear by Poetwheel and Balladeer
That no one ever need to fear
The poet Toerag was before….
Nameless here….forevermore.
© Copyright 1999 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Delores Hall
Member
since 07-16-99
Posts 358
USA


1 posted 08-11-99 01:06 AM       View Profile for Delores Hall   Email Delores Hall   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Delores Hall

Very innovated.Got a good laugh.
Poetwheel
Member
since 07-07-99
Posts 215
Canada


2 posted 08-11-99 06:53 AM       View Profile for Poetwheel   Email Poetwheel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Poetwheel's Home Page   View IP for Poetwheel

Balladeer, I am actually laughing out loud at work about this one. It may have something to do with seeing someone referred to as a "useless gonad." Great Job....soon he shall be undone.

PW
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


3 posted 08-11-99 06:58 AM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Yo Balladeer and Poetwheel...It's me, numbnuts....the useless gonad....LOL...Great poem my friend....as usual, it's taking you and Poetwheel to hurt me so....and I'm such a nice guy too?..I just don't understand?....And then that "thithy thailor" LongJohn has to join in....Geesch! Oh well, I guess I should just crawl back under my rock, get another few drinks....and just continue to write the kinder poems, about love, and feelings and romance and LongJohn's affairs with sheep..etc. etc. etc.......
Poetwheel
Member
since 07-07-99
Posts 215
Canada


4 posted 08-11-99 07:44 AM       View Profile for Poetwheel   Email Poetwheel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Poetwheel's Home Page   View IP for Poetwheel

Toerag,

I think it would sadden us all should you choose to abandon comedy.

Besides, you have inspired me to try out for the:
Canadian Annual National Flatulence and Regurgitation Try-outs. (CAN-FART)

PW
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


5 posted 08-11-99 07:47 AM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

LOL.....Yanno?....You really are a "gas" man!..............Honestly...I do enjoy yall's humor and come-backs.....
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


6 posted 08-11-99 08:27 AM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

'Deer

I've often wanted to take on Poe's style - nice job. It is truly nice that I may sit on the sidelines and watch masters at work. The best part of this is that all of you have enough class to take a good-natured poke at each other, and to laugh when the tables are turned. Somewhere along the way I realized that women define friendship as supportive cooperation, men define friendship as competitive interraction. Miles apart in approach, with the same ends achieved either way. Is life great, or what?
Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


7 posted 08-11-99 09:05 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Can a female butt in? Good job, Balladeer, what a male cheering section you've all made for yourselves! OK Toe, let's see what you've got as a comeback...

------------------
© KRJ
Sunshine
Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Sue
Member
since 08-04-99
Posts 407
France


8 posted 08-11-99 09:26 AM       View Profile for Sue   Email Sue   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sue

In fact I have absolutely nothing to say, but I had to respond to this one. You idiots make life much brighter.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


9 posted 08-11-99 10:35 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Love the retorts don't stop. Nice one Balladeer.
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


10 posted 08-11-99 10:42 AM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Good one, I enjoy your guys humor! Taken all in good pun, I'm glad to see you guys taking it so well! hehe
ac
Member
since 06-17-99
Posts 132
Cayey, PR - USA


11 posted 08-11-99 10:54 AM       View Profile for ac   Email ac   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ac

score for Balladeer...another well-written chapter in this never-ending saga......Toerag, your turn to prove you're much more than a "useless gonad"...
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


12 posted 08-11-99 01:57 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Geesh......
Should Toerag stuff a sock in it?
Or LngJhn loom in underwear?
Should Poetwheel turn out a quip?
Another Ballad from Poe-Deer?
That's it!...I'm pulling out my WHIP




[This message has been edited by Nan (edited 08-11-99).]
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


13 posted 08-11-99 02:04 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

A whip?..A paddle?...Over your knee?..Can I go first?..Can I? Can I?....LOL
Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


14 posted 08-11-99 02:52 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Toerag...you're better than a Timex watch. I admire your class (remind me I said this and I'll deny everything!)

Wheel....looks like another one for our side

Long John...Yes, indeed. Life is great. Thanks for the kind words and watch your back. I'm gunning for you after the toupee crack....made me flip my lid!

Nan...
I'd love to be the beatee
As long as you're the beater
'Cause you're a real sweetie
Pain couldn't get much sweeter.
blueloon
Member
since 07-07-99
Posts 166
NY


15 posted 08-11-99 03:05 PM       View Profile for blueloon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for blueloon

Have to add another females point of view...you guys make me laugh the whole day through!
blueloon
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


16 posted 08-12-99 10:40 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

'Deer: Tsk, tsk.... *G* And great job! LOL.

But next time you find sweet Toe outside your door... will you please send him back to me where he'll be appreciated? LOL. OK, OK... perhaps I appreciate him TOO much... (I think you misunderstood what he was pleading for mercy from! LOL)
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


17 posted 10-16-2002 10:08 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

hah, I love reading parodies like this... you seem to be quite good at them, too...

This is beautiful, and you did a good job of keeping the ominous tone of The Raven alive in the spirit of this poem, even if it was about a useless gonad on your front step...

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


18 posted 10-16-2002 10:10 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


19 posted 10-16-2002 10:55 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Pure poetry comes out from each and every single pore.

You said it, not me!  But I sure do agree, great job on this for a rookie

 
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