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Passions in Poetry

Poetwheel's Wind Will Set your Sails

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Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


0 posted 08-10-99 11:38 AM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Toerag

I'll tell you a story 'bout old PoetWheel,
Of a great farting contest at old Dodger Field.
Where all the best farters of all different sizes,
Compete in a contest for various prizes.

Some tighten their bumcheeks and fart up the scale,
To compete for a trophy and a barrel of ale,
Whilst others whose rectums are bigger and strongest,
Compete in the section for loudest and longest.

Now, this special event had gone on for years,
And the betting was even on old Balladeer,
For it appeared in the evening edition,
That this guy's rear end was in perfect condition.

Now old LongJohn Silver had a perfect backside,
Half a forest of hairs with a wart on each side,
And he fancied his chance of winning with ease,
Having trained on a diet of cabbage and beans.

The Judge had arrived and ascended the stand,
And thus he addressed this remarkable band:
"The contest is on as is shown on the bills,
We've precluded the use of injections and pills.'

Poetwheel arrived amid roars of applause,
And promptly proceeded to pull off his drawers,
For though he'd no chance in the farting display,
He had the best looking rear you'd see on this day.

Now, young Mr. Toerag was backed into place,
Though he'd often been placed in the deepest disgrace,
By dropping a fart on a Sunday in Church,
And disturbing the sermon of Reverend McGurch.

The guys lined up at the signal to start,
LongJohn won the toss, and he took first fart.
The people around stood in silence and wonder,
While his wireless transmitted gale warnings and thunder.

Now Balladeer reckoned nothing of this,
He'd had some weak tea and was all wind and piss,
He took up his place and his butt opened wide,
But unluckily crapped, and was disqualified.

The young Mr. Toerag was called to the front,
and started by doing a wonderful stunt,
He took a deep breath, and clenching his hands,
He blew the whole roof off the spectator stands.

That left Poetwheel who shyly appeared,
And smiled at the audience who loudly now cheered,
And though it was reckoned his chances were small,
He ran out a winner, outfarting them all.

With his hands on his hips, he stood farting alone,
And the crowd stood amazed at the sweetness of tone,
And the judge now agreed without question or pause,
And said, First place to Poetwheel, now pull up your drawers!"

But with muscles well-tensed and legs wide apart,
He started a final and glorious fart,
Beginning with Chopin, and ending with Wing,
He went right up the scale to God Save the King!
© Copyright 1999 Toerag - All Rights Reserved
Lucie
Senior Member
since 06-20-99
Posts 1123
Houston


1 posted 08-10-99 11:48 AM       View Profile for Lucie   Email Lucie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lucie

BRAVO!! Glad you haven't ceased the play. Please don't. I find your poems to be very funny. As a matter of fact.. I just loved the flow and tone of this one..heheh good job Toe.
Dragoness
Senior Member
since 08-07-99
Posts 525


2 posted 08-10-99 11:58 AM       View Profile for Dragoness   Email Dragoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dragoness's Home Page   View IP for Dragoness

LOL!!! This was fantastic!!

------------------
Set you heart free and your mind will follow.
JP
Senior Member
since 05-25-99
Posts 1391
Loomis, CA


3 posted 08-10-99 12:03 PM       View Profile for JP   Email JP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JP's Home Page   View IP for JP

Damn, this is almost like driving by an accident and slowing down to look.

My intellectual side says I should be ashamed for laughing at this, the other side tells him to shut the hell up so he can read some more.

Well done.

------------------
Dum spiro, spero
JP


Poetwheel
Member
since 07-07-99
Posts 215
Canada


4 posted 08-10-99 03:45 PM       View Profile for Poetwheel   Email Poetwheel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Poetwheel's Home Page   View IP for Poetwheel

Oh Toerag your verse was quite a laugh, but I feel I must point out a flaw.
The only anthem to escape my cheeks, would be "O CANADA!!!"



PW
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


5 posted 08-10-99 11:27 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

With clenched teeth, I must say this poem is ,uh, brilliant. well-written, well-rhymed with meter and flow to perfection. I don't know who wrote it for ya, but you got your money's worth!!!
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


6 posted 08-11-99 12:44 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

Ah, yes… the great trepidating contest anew. Well done, Toe.

So the great wheel of poetry turns in Canada! The land of the loons. Makes perfect sense.
Poetwheel
Member
since 07-07-99
Posts 215
Canada


7 posted 08-11-99 01:01 PM       View Profile for Poetwheel   Email Poetwheel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Poetwheel's Home Page   View IP for Poetwheel

While loons do rest and make a nest in this "true north strong and free"

The national animal, is larger and a mammal, and...

---

Actually let me stop right there....no good come of this.

Unfortunately we are plagued with a national animal which it is not really possible to make "clean" jokes about...well..maybe possible...but not as fun.

PW


[This message has been edited by Poetwheel (edited 08-11-99).]
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


8 posted 08-11-99 01:25 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

The imagery is blistering, to say the least
all those guys...or are they beasts?
Thank God my hubby was not in line
or he'd no longer be in this house of mine!

------------------
© KRJ
Sunshine
Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 07-25-99
Posts 2961
Arkansas


9 posted 08-11-99 02:16 PM       View Profile for poetFemmeFatale   Email poetFemmeFatale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poetFemmeFatale

Wowweee...made me reach for the air freshener, it was so real!! This really makes me think a little differently about you gentlemans' butts!! Powerful piece man - what a gas!

------------------
- poet FemmeFatale

"The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


10 posted 08-11-99 04:37 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

ROFL... I love it!! Sitting next to you in church on Sunday certainly won't be boring! LOL.
Artur Hawkwing
Member
since 06-30-99
Posts 443
USA


11 posted 08-11-99 07:57 PM       View Profile for Artur Hawkwing   Email Artur Hawkwing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Artur Hawkwing

What a hoot! Smelly humor does you great, 'specially when it's funny.
angel girl
Member
since 07-23-99
Posts 329
within a whisper...


12 posted 08-12-99 07:59 AM       View Profile for angel girl   Email angel girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for angel girl

This was so gross, "butt" extremely funny.

------------------
One touch of nature makes the whole world kin.
-William Shakespeare

 
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