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Poetwheel's Wind Will Set your Sails
| Open Poetry #1 |
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Poetwheel's Wind Will Set your Sails |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
I'll tell you a story 'bout old PoetWheel, Of a great farting contest at old Dodger Field. Where all the best farters of all different sizes, Compete in a contest for various prizes. Some tighten their bumcheeks and fart up the scale, To compete for a trophy and a barrel of ale, Whilst others whose rectums are bigger and strongest, Compete in the section for loudest and longest. Now, this special event had gone on for years, And the betting was even on old Balladeer, For it appeared in the evening edition, That this guy's rear end was in perfect condition. Now old LongJohn Silver had a perfect backside, Half a forest of hairs with a wart on each side, And he fancied his chance of winning with ease, Having trained on a diet of cabbage and beans. The Judge had arrived and ascended the stand, And thus he addressed this remarkable band: "The contest is on as is shown on the bills, We've precluded the use of injections and pills.' Poetwheel arrived amid roars of applause, And promptly proceeded to pull off his drawers, For though he'd no chance in the farting display, He had the best looking rear you'd see on this day. Now, young Mr. Toerag was backed into place, Though he'd often been placed in the deepest disgrace, By dropping a fart on a Sunday in Church, And disturbing the sermon of Reverend McGurch. The guys lined up at the signal to start, LongJohn won the toss, and he took first fart. The people around stood in silence and wonder, While his wireless transmitted gale warnings and thunder. Now Balladeer reckoned nothing of this, He'd had some weak tea and was all wind and piss, He took up his place and his butt opened wide, But unluckily crapped, and was disqualified. The young Mr. Toerag was called to the front, and started by doing a wonderful stunt, He took a deep breath, and clenching his hands, He blew the whole roof off the spectator stands. That left Poetwheel who shyly appeared, And smiled at the audience who loudly now cheered, And though it was reckoned his chances were small, He ran out a winner, outfarting them all. With his hands on his hips, he stood farting alone, And the crowd stood amazed at the sweetness of tone, And the judge now agreed without question or pause, And said, First place to Poetwheel, now pull up your drawers!" But with muscles well-tensed and legs wide apart, He started a final and glorious fart, Beginning with Chopin, and ending with Wing, He went right up the scale to God Save the King! |
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| © Copyright 1999 Toerag - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston |
BRAVO!! Glad you haven't ceased the play. Please don't. I find your poems to be very funny. As a matter of fact.. I just loved the flow and tone of this one..heheh good job Toe. |
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Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
LOL!!! This was fantastic!!  ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Damn, this is almost like driving by an accident and slowing down to look. My intellectual side says I should be ashamed for laughing at this, the other side tells him to shut the hell up so he can read some more. Well done. ------------------ Dum spiro, spero JP |
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Poetwheel Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 208Canada |
Oh Toerag your verse was quite a laugh, but I feel I must point out a flaw. The only anthem to escape my cheeks, would be "O CANADA!!!" PW |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
With clenched teeth, I must say this poem is ,uh, brilliant. well-written, well-rhymed with meter and flow to perfection. I don't know who wrote it for ya, but you got your money's worth!!! |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Ah, yes… the great trepidating contest anew. Well done, Toe. So the great wheel of poetry turns in Canada! The land of the loons. Makes perfect sense. |
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Poetwheel Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 208Canada |
While loons do rest and make a nest in this "true north strong and free" The national animal, is larger and a mammal, and... --- Actually let me stop right there....no good come of this. Unfortunately we are plagued with a national animal which it is not really possible to make "clean" jokes about...well..maybe possible...but not as fun. PW [This message has been edited by Poetwheel (edited 08-11-99).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
The imagery is blistering, to say the least all those guys...or are they beasts? Thank God my hubby was not in line or he'd no longer be in this house of mine! ------------------ © KRJ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Wowweee...made me reach for the air freshener, it was so real!! This really makes me think a little differently about you gentlemans' butts!! Powerful piece man - what a gas! ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
ROFL... I love it!! Sitting next to you in church on Sunday certainly won't be boring! LOL. |
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Artur Hawkwing Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444USA |
What a hoot! Smelly humor does you great, 'specially when it's funny. |
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angel girl Member
since 1999-07-23
Posts 322within a whisper... |
This was so gross, "butt" extremely funny. ------------------ One touch of nature makes the whole world kin. -William Shakespeare |
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