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Passions in Poetry

Toe-Nailed (my response to bungling balladeer)

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Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


0 posted 08-09-99 03:52 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

That poor old gal in front of me was really quite a sight.
Her hair and teeth were memories. Her skin was scaly white.
Her fingers trembled as she spoke. She had a vacant stare.
Small cootied figures ran along her final strands of hair.

"Please understand", she said."I didn't always need a gun
To threaten some young, handsome man to have a bit of fun.
If truth be told, men thought of me as being quite a beauty
Before I gave it all away to do my wifely duty.

Just nine months after wedding bells, I gave birth to a son
Not realizing at the time the evil I had done.
Because of that you see me now...the wretch that I became
By giving birth to...wait a minute...Toerag was his name.

The name alone should do much to give credence to my claim.
The doctor, holding clipboard, had asked, "What's the new child's name?"
My husband, through a hanky, said "I'm...gonna...(choke)...go...gag.."
The doctor just misunderstood and wrote the name Toerag.

You know you've got a problem when, weeks afterward, you get
A letter from your baby doctor sending his regrets,
But I decided I would be the best mom I could be
(And they were doing wonders then with plastic surgery.)

At sucking breast, he was the champ. For someone quite that young
I was amazed at how he could manipulate his tongue.
And, even though I nurtured him....this homely son of mine,
I considered it excessive that he did till he was nine!

He spent five years in first grade - well, he wasn't well-behaved.
By the time he reached the third, he was the only one who shaved.
Determination spurred him on.He learned his abc's
While other kids his age were winding up their phd's.

Then came one day, from out the blue, he opened wide the door
And said, "Ma, there's a world out there I'm aching to explore.
I'm gonna find my fortune and some honey to adore...
I'll find my name and, besides, you don't breast feed any more."

Since that day, many years ago, I've never seen that fool.
I figure he's a postal worker or teacher in some school.
There was a rumor, once, about two strippers and a llama...
That ain't the kind of thing a boy is apt to tell his mama.

And then I heard the wildest thing! How silly can you get?
That my Toe was poetizing on the internet.
My belly aches with laughter! I mean, Jesus, help me...please!
That boy's a leading carrier of hoof in mouth disease!

And, if he joined a poet's group, then it would be quite clear
He'd wilt beside a real poet....like you, Balladeer.
You're the son I always wanted - not the one I got.
For this I look so worn out and my life has gone to pot."

My sympathy went out to her - I walked into the night,
Picked up Long John and Poetwheel to go and have a bite
And, silently, I swear that if he ever shows up here
I'll make him wish he never tried to mess with Balladeer!

© Copyright 1999 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
RainbowGirl
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since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


1 posted 08-09-99 04:03 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Balladeer

I'm not sure how to tell you this but I'm the "wretch"...ROFL...being a 'brit' I called him a Toerag one day and he picked up on it and hence that's how this loveable man came by this name...:-)))

But it's a superb comeback, I wait with baited breath for Toe's response..

HUGS

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.


Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


2 posted 08-09-99 04:10 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

Ifin' I were Toe after that shot, I'd be face down, six feet under. Well aimed and executed Sir Balladeer. A real fun read as well.
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


3 posted 08-09-99 04:16 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Yo ass is grass...and I'm a John Deere....watch your back, Cuz I'm gonna get your rear...You prick you slime, you're poem quite fine.....but Toe's an expert at vicious rhyme....but I can't help but laugh, you are the king...but just remember one small thing; My name is Toe....and before I go, I will chew you up....spit you out....you'll long remember, this poem about....Old Toerag and his mental head...cuz I don't get even, I get way ahead.......LOL Balladeer....well done my friend.....
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


4 posted 08-09-99 04:16 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

I'd been wonderin' why we hadn't heard from Balladeer
It seems he usually can be found hangin' around here
But now I see he's been enthralled, taking quite a look
At our Toerag's long lost mom and his baby book.
I guess I shouldn't be the one to take Deer down a peg
But methinks he's been taken in by that sailor with one leg.
Ole LongJohn finds it tough to make a pal, he's such a scalawag
He's taken his wretched history and labeled it as Toerag's!
Poetwheel
Member
since 07-07-99
Posts 215
Canada


5 posted 08-09-99 04:17 PM       View Profile for Poetwheel   Email Poetwheel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Poetwheel's Home Page   View IP for Poetwheel

Sweet Lord Balladeer, to state it plain and true,
I fear that not a one of us can hold a torch to you,

I figured you for a mild response, without too much bite,
But I could not, for the life of me, have been any less right.

Now the gloves removed, the cries bellowed, and the fingers typing fast.

The secret to this poetic war is to see who laughs the last.

Great Job Balladeer.

Humbled by your "piss and vinegar" attitude.
PW
Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


6 posted 08-09-99 05:12 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Oh, thank you, Rainbow Girl! I held this poem for 2 hours after writing it because I was concerned that it could be taken as disrespectful toward Toe's mother, which of course I would never do. Your attitude and response lifts a gray cloud over my head. With your kindness and attitude I can only conclude one thing.....Toerag must be adopted. (Your sense of humor is a wonderful thing)
For the rest, thank you all VERY much for the responses. The saga continues......
RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


7 posted 08-09-99 06:02 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Balladeer

ROFLMAO...Toe's mum was an absolute sweetheart from everything he's ever said about that truly amazing woman and his father...but I think she would be tickled pink at the thought of her very much loved son as being the subject of one of *your* poems...

His parents were and are truly a very special couple, even more so, because Toe was borne of them..:-))

I'm simply someone who gave a very loving character a name but I'd be proud to call him mine, and now it's best I go, cause this is getting too like me and we can't have that..:-))

Big hugs for your laughter and for your thoughts regarding any implications your poem may cause or have caused...

One warm hearted RainbowGirl

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.




[This message has been edited by RainbowGirl (edited 08-09-99).]
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


8 posted 08-09-99 07:16 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Balladeer's ready
Toerag's all steady
gloves have been drawn
let the games go on!

------------------
KRJ
Sunshine
Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Lorelei54
Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 486


9 posted 08-09-99 09:46 PM       View Profile for Lorelei54   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lorelei54

Where will this little dity end up?
It's a race to the finish
And the two old guys aren't pups.

I wonder which one will finally win?
Which one can out write the other?
And proclaim more sin?

enjoying the battle guys!
 
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