Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
That poor old gal in front of me was really quite a sight.
Her hair and teeth were memories. Her skin was scaly white.
Her fingers trembled as she spoke. She had a vacant stare.
Small cootied figures ran along her final strands of hair.
"Please understand", she said."I didn't always need a gun
To threaten some young, handsome man to have a bit of fun.
If truth be told, men thought of me as being quite a beauty
Before I gave it all away to do my wifely duty.
Just nine months after wedding bells, I gave birth to a son
Not realizing at the time the evil I had done.
Because of that you see me now...the wretch that I became
By giving birth to...wait a minute...Toerag was his name.
The name alone should do much to give credence to my claim.
The doctor, holding clipboard, had asked, "What's the new child's name?"
My husband, through a hanky, said "I'm...gonna...(choke)...go...gag.."
The doctor just misunderstood and wrote the name Toerag.
You know you've got a problem when, weeks afterward, you get
A letter from your baby doctor sending his regrets,
But I decided I would be the best mom I could be
(And they were doing wonders then with plastic surgery.)
At sucking breast, he was the champ. For someone quite that young
I was amazed at how he could manipulate his tongue.
And, even though I nurtured him....this homely son of mine,
I considered it excessive that he did till he was nine!
He spent five years in first grade - well, he wasn't well-behaved.
By the time he reached the third, he was the only one who shaved.
Determination spurred him on.He learned his abc's
While other kids his age were winding up their phd's.
Then came one day, from out the blue, he opened wide the door
And said, "Ma, there's a world out there I'm aching to explore.
I'm gonna find my fortune and some honey to adore...
I'll find my name and, besides, you don't breast feed any more."
Since that day, many years ago, I've never seen that fool.
I figure he's a postal worker or teacher in some school.
There was a rumor, once, about two strippers and a llama...
That ain't the kind of thing a boy is apt to tell his mama.
And then I heard the wildest thing! How silly can you get?
That my Toe was poetizing on the internet.
My belly aches with laughter! I mean, Jesus, help me...please!
That boy's a leading carrier of hoof in mouth disease!
And, if he joined a poet's group, then it would be quite clear
He'd wilt beside a real poet....like you, Balladeer.
You're the son I always wanted - not the one I got.
For this I look so worn out and my life has gone to pot."
My sympathy went out to her - I walked into the night,
Picked up Long John and Poetwheel to go and have a bite
And, silently, I swear that if he ever shows up here
I'll make him wish he never tried to mess with Balladeer!