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Remorse (a Pantoum)
| Open Poetry #1 |
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Remorse (a Pantoum) |
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Sue Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 383France |
Having just found out what a Pantoum is, I thought I'd try it. Please tell me what you think. Time's nearly up, I'm growing old And I must shed a tear, For things not done and tales untold, For selfishness and fear. Now I must shed a tear That all my yesterdays are gone, For selfishness and fear And all the good things I've not done. That all my yesterdays are gone, I only feel regret. For all the good things I've not done Rewards I will not get. I only feel regret For wasting all my younger days. Rewards I will not get, I did not mend my erring ways. For wasting all my younger days Remorse until I die. I did not mend my erring ways, I did not hear your cry. Remorse until I die Time's nearly up, I'm growing old I did not hear your cry, Left things not done and tales untold. [This message has been edited by Sue (edited 08-08-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Sue - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Awesome..... You've mastered the format beautifully... Your rhyme scheme is intact - You've conveyed a message that progresses throughout - ...but most interesting of all... You've alternated your meter between iambic tetrameter and iambic trimeter - tossing in an interesting twist - making it even more of a challenge Very nice job, Sue..... I'm lovin' it...  |
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Sue Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 383France |
High praise, indeed, I'm sure you can feel my ears burning all the way over the Atlantic. Thank you, Nan. |
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
OUTSTANDING |
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Genea Member
since 1999-06-15
Posts 321USA |
Sue, I liked this alot....the message and ur form. Happy writing! ~G |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
You never know what you can do until you do it. And I might add very well done. |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Sue Thank you for that great lesson. I think I get the hang of it. Now, who's got some time they wanna lend me so I try that. Nan Darnit! The more I start to learn, the more into the dark I go. Now I gotta learn what metric feet are! This is really maddening. Maybe I oughta take up brain surgery as a hobby instead of poetry. |
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Sue Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 383France |
Once only inches did I know (The Brits are egocentric) But Europe claimed me years ago And now my feet are metric. Sorry about that, it doesn't even rhyme properly, but I couldn't resist. |
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