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Passions in Poetry

Remorse (a Pantoum)

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Sue
Member
since 08-04-99
Posts 407
France


0 posted 08-08-99 06:54 AM       View Profile for Sue   Email Sue   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Sue

Having just found out what a Pantoum is, I thought I'd try it. Please tell me what you think.

Time's nearly up, I'm growing old
And I must shed a tear,
For things not done and tales untold,
For selfishness and fear.

Now I must shed a tear
That all my yesterdays are gone,
For selfishness and fear
And all the good things I've not done.

That all my yesterdays are gone,
I only feel regret.
For all the good things I've not done
Rewards I will not get.

I only feel regret
For wasting all my younger days.
Rewards I will not get,
I did not mend my erring ways.

For wasting all my younger days
Remorse until I die.
I did not mend my erring ways,
I did not hear your cry.

Remorse until I die
Time's nearly up, I'm growing old
I did not hear your cry,
Left things not done and tales untold.


[This message has been edited by Sue (edited 08-08-99).]
© Copyright 1999 Sue - All Rights Reserved
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


1 posted 08-08-99 09:15 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Awesome.....
You've mastered the format beautifully... Your rhyme scheme is intact - You've conveyed a message that progresses throughout -
...but most interesting of all... You've alternated your meter between iambic tetrameter and iambic trimeter - tossing in an interesting twist - making it even more of a challenge
Very nice job, Sue..... I'm lovin' it...
Sue
Member
since 08-04-99
Posts 407
France


2 posted 08-08-99 09:23 AM       View Profile for Sue   Email Sue   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sue

High praise, indeed, I'm sure you can feel my ears burning all the way over the Atlantic. Thank you, Nan.
INclan
Senior Member
since 07-20-99
Posts 1046
Indiana, USA


3 posted 08-08-99 09:24 AM       View Profile for INclan   Email INclan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for INclan

OUTSTANDING
Genea
Member
since 06-15-99
Posts 325
USA


4 posted 08-08-99 01:29 PM       View Profile for Genea   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Genea

Sue,

I liked this alot....the message and ur form. Happy writing!

~G
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


5 posted 08-08-99 01:39 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

You never know what you can do until you do it. And I might add very well done.
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


6 posted 08-09-99 09:54 AM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

Sue

Thank you for that great lesson. I think I get the hang of it. Now, who's got some time they wanna lend me so I try that.

Nan

Darnit! The more I start to learn, the more into the dark I go. Now I gotta learn what metric feet are! This is really maddening. Maybe I oughta take up brain surgery as a hobby instead of poetry.
Sue
Member
since 08-04-99
Posts 407
France


7 posted 08-09-99 10:18 AM       View Profile for Sue   Email Sue   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sue

Once only inches did I know
(The Brits are egocentric)
But Europe claimed me years ago
And now my feet are metric.

Sorry about that, it doesn't even rhyme properly, but I couldn't resist.
Sue will be notified of replies
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