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Passions in Poetry

Bamboo Days

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Robin
Junior Member
since 08-07-99
Posts 48
Cardiff, Wales, UK


0 posted 08-07-99 08:09 AM       View Profile for Robin   Email Robin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Robin

I'm new here, be kind to me.
(But tear my lines apart if you will)


Bamboo Days

Robin Laffan
02/06/99

Languid Sunday in a bamboo-blind room
Where we lay for the day with two bottles of wine,
Engrossed in the week laid out to be read
And Miles Davis added his brass-blessed notes
To the feel of your skin.
I trace each curve with my eyes,
My fingers, my tongue
And you stretch out with a sigh in the crackling pages
Of gathering wars and economic gloom.
The sun through the blind caresses your skin
With tiger lines that sway as you move
A diaphanous sheet on silk smooth flesh
As you turn to face me once more
Eyes closed, lips set to whisper.
We kiss, a taste that lasts for the day
Of dry white grape on a salt bed of sweat
And the warmth of your arms
Banishes the sunís rays

Miles, restarts his song.

© Copyright 1999 Robin - All Rights Reserved
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


1 posted 08-07-99 09:41 AM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

Robin

I don't know how this slipped by everybody the first time. The similes are great, the images sprang to life. I can almost feel the heat in the room and see the dust motes in the sun's rays through the bamboo blind. As for the silky smooth skin (gulp).... The way you finished it with that single isolated line about Miles Davis - that was perfect. It made me play out the whole scene again without rereading a single word.

Nice job. Back to the top it goes.
 
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