Ala bam a
LongJohn couldn't fart or burp,
You'd think; "No big deal? What's it hurt?
He'd be okay?" But sadly "no,"
This wasn't really always so.
Now it's true a good loud burp,
Or a fart that rocks and shakes the earth,
Does in fact in no small measure,
Bring satisfying gastric pleasure.
This strange complaint called 'Gas Absentes'
Is not a state to please the senses
And occasions many-there were such,
That plagued old LongJohn very much.
Sometimes at Hooter's he'd drink too much,
And want to pass some bubbles up
Because of course he was without
A way to get the gases out.
No pills or potions or medicament
Relieved or cured this strange predicament,
And so, although his means were scant,
He went to have a weird transplant.
Now burp/fart transplants are new,
Complex and difficult to do,
A very curious operation,
Requiring skill and concentration.
Donors too are very rare,
Rarely is there one who cares.
But they found a donor who,
Could spare him some cause he had two.
The surgeon's knife was deft and sharp,
And yet it's function failed in part,
For with the operation through,
Longjohn could burp but couldn't "poot."
A very odd-ball situation,
Requiring swift rectification,
Cuz someday he could "blow apart"
If he could burp but could not fart.
But finally, for they were clever,
The doctors put their heads together
And when LongJohn woke from surgery,
He burped and farted gleefully.
Now while the surgeons thought this grand,
What they failed to understand,
Was that his farting wouldn't stop,
Why he was farting 'round the clock!
And so the surgeons then conferred,
And found out just where they had erred.
Passing gas without remission,
Or not at all, was the position.
Before LongJohn could give his voice,
To tell them what would be his choice,
That day his transplant was rejected,
Left him bloated and dejected.
It would be nice to tell that he
Passes gas like you and me,
But life's not always as we wish,
And that's one pleasure we won't miss!