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Passions in Poetry

New Guy, New Poem, comments welcome

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JohnDoe82
Junior Member
since 08-04-99
Posts 42
MO, USA


0 posted 08-04-99 11:26 PM       View Profile for JohnDoe82   Email JohnDoe82   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JohnDoe82

The Core

You speak softly, but listen not,
You're a drug, a narcotic of the worst form,
Infinite pleasure bringing infinite pain,
Who are you to entice me with suffering?

You scream and silence all but yourself,
You blind me to the truth,
Lies laced with fact,
Who are you to dictate reality?

Your singing fills the air,
You hypnotize with melody,
The careless leading the ignorant,
Who are you to run my life?

You stop speaking when I listen most,
You're a coward without loyalty,
A coup at the precise moment,
Who are you to lead and abandon?

A drug, a lie, a careless being, a traitor?
My closest ally?
I've found you, but cannot uproot you.
I'm helpless.

Lead on, friend.


I'm just curious as to what you think of it. To whom or what is the poem referring?
© Copyright 1999 JohnDoe82 - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


1 posted 08-05-99 12:34 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

As you are the author, It's pretty hard to say to whom or what you are referring! I like it though. I actually think it may work a little better without the four line verse format, in fact some of the questions at the end of the verses are quite powerful and would have more impact if they stood alone, between long verses. I really like the first 4 lines and the last verse also. Good work.
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


2 posted 08-05-99 09:27 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I like the poem. My first thought about who/what the poem is about - my computer!
JohnDoe82
Junior Member
since 08-04-99
Posts 42
MO, USA


3 posted 08-05-99 06:14 PM       View Profile for JohnDoe82   Email JohnDoe82   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JohnDoe82

Poet DeVine, You must be a P.C. user, am I right? I don't have that trouble on my Mac.
Princess Lily
Member
since 07-13-99
Posts 149
USA


4 posted 08-05-99 11:57 PM       View Profile for Princess Lily   Email Princess Lily   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Princess Lily

I may be very off on this so correct me if I'm wrong...
A friend perhaps who is close to you yet they will not let you see the real person that they are... as if you may not like them.

------------------
We see only what we want to see~unless perhaps~we believe

*A rose is a rose it withers and dies...so long as you keep it the memories stay alive*

JohnDoe82
Junior Member
since 08-04-99
Posts 42
MO, USA


5 posted 08-06-99 05:25 PM       View Profile for JohnDoe82   Email JohnDoe82   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JohnDoe82

Perhaps I'll just let the cat out of the bag for those who care, but this is about human emotions in general. Thanks for the thought.
Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 06-20-99
Posts 2589
Normal, Illinois


6 posted 08-06-99 05:33 PM       View Profile for Lost Dreamer   Email Lost Dreamer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lost Dreamer

This was great, you gave up to soon, the cat wasn't suffocating yet. I was gonna say it was your inner self.
PrincessDoo
Junior Member
since 07-30-99
Posts 41
Cerritos, CA, USA


7 posted 08-06-99 07:57 PM       View Profile for PrincessDoo   Email PrincessDoo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PrincessDoo

i could be wrong also..
but it could be about a significant other that you cant figure out too well becuase they are so mysterious but that is why u like them in the first place.... but it seriously feels like it could be someone you are attached to at the heart...

------------------
823
redwriter1
Member
since 07-22-99
Posts 476
Franklin, TN


8 posted 08-06-99 10:20 PM       View Profile for redwriter1   Email redwriter1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for redwriter1

sounds like the agony and ectasy of love to me.. but.. then.. again..

could be just a great beer.. (sorry.. had to say that)..

really nice writing though... and I don't believe the "in general" thing for one minute... (smile) So fess up...

------------------
Kay-lynn
~one voice~
Senior Member
since 07-08-99
Posts 668
Billings, MT USA


9 posted 08-06-99 10:41 PM       View Profile for ~one voice~   Email ~one voice~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ~one voice~

Whomever or whatever this poem is referring, I sense some talent here! Fabulous work JohnDoe! And welcome to our happy home!

------------------
~onevoice~

"She looked at her life
like lines, never-ending,
constantly forming,
reforming and bending."


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