Apologies become my spoken language,
A magnet for the blame of my world.
Tormented by some past treachery, I race on,
Trying to right some distant wrong.
Sins I made against my own code,
I the Judge and Jury,
Left with no defense but my hunger…
The hunger inside me that pushes me to be the hero
So that I may one day overshadow my past with actions deemed noble.
But even with my good intentions,
All they see is a quiet man,
A past they care not to hear,
A future they won’t stay to see.
I bring it upon myself,
A harsh reality I’m not ready to believe.
Underneath, all I want is acceptance,
To have what they have,
To go one day as someone unlike Atlas,
To throw the world from my shoulders and let it roll into oblivion.
Tired of long nights pondering,
Thought that takes all my time, not my pain.
So many days lost,
So many friends lost,
So much love lost…
Their advice warms my heart
But no warmth can linger long inside my hearts broken walls.
One granted wish would release me from my cell,
A dream that cures my wounds as long as it lingers fresh on my mind.
To just meet someone who would risk looking under my mask,
Someone who would fall in love with the man that I rarely show.
An angelic face that sees her future in my eyes,
Who shares my dreams,
And would share her life with me,
Just as I would with her….
But wishes are the foundations of a weak man’s hope.
My patience not strong enough to wait for God to deem me worthy of my dreams;
To take fate by the reigns is my only choice.
But, until my courage is stacked high enough,
I wait in my self-constructed prison
Asking myself this…
How many deeds need be done until my punishment is over?
That answer is as blurred as my tear filled vision…
But there are times when my vision clears for but a moment,
Those few who see past my mask and who listen long with hearts hearing,
I owe more than I can ever repay.
Sometimes in sadness’ shadow,
I forget those who reach out to help me.
To those few heroes in my life,
I wish I could give what they give me with but a smile from their face…
One day I will.
"What dreams may come?"