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Passions in Poetry

Fighting For Democracy???

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Delores Hall
Member
since 07-16-99
Posts 358
USA


0 posted 07-29-99 12:26 AM       View Profile for Delores Hall   Email Delores Hall   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Delores Hall

Hey buddy can you spare a dime?
For a cup of coffee and a little of your
time?

I'd like to tell you about my son.
Who died when he was twenty one.

They shipped him off to war one day.
To fight the viet cong they say.
We got a few letters from him saying
that he missed us.
And that he would be home someday.
Sorry to say that day came soon enough.

I hear a knock on my door.
And these men with their fancy suits
are standing on my porch.
Sorry to inform you but your son died
in the war.

Said he was some kind of hero.
Went and pulled a couple men out of harms
way.
So I lost my son that day.

Brought him home in a box.
And we buried him that day.
Gave him a purple heart.
Put it in his room with the rest of his
things.
And that's where it will stay.

From time to time I bring out.
And think about my son.
But that don't matter anymore.
Because what's done is dome.

Said they were fighting for democracy.
Who would have known.
Some war that turned out to be.
They pulled out in seventy three.

What's that you say?
Yes,your right it's getting late.
So I'll leave you with your coffee.
And have a nice day.
© Copyright 1999 Delores Hall - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


1 posted 07-29-99 03:19 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Thanks for sharing that, Delores. Very moving.
Delores Hall
Member
since 07-16-99
Posts 358
USA


2 posted 07-29-99 01:46 PM       View Profile for Delores Hall   Email Delores Hall   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Delores Hall

Okay so not many people liked it.
I myself didn't think it was all that good.
I hang my head in shame.
Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
Posts 7296
America the beautiful


3 posted 07-29-99 01:50 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

No need to feel ashamed, Delores! Who here hasn't written something they're not all that proud of? We can blame the U.S. government for this one-if they would keep out of the rest of the world's business, Vietnam never would have happened. But hey, it's quite a sad story (the poem I mean).

[This message has been edited by Elizabeth (edited 07-30-99).]
Delores Hall
Member
since 07-16-99
Posts 358
USA


4 posted 07-29-99 01:52 PM       View Profile for Delores Hall   Email Delores Hall   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Delores Hall

Thank you.
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


5 posted 07-29-99 01:55 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Hey....feel ashamed about that?....Why for?.....It's truly a subject that's worth bringing forward...don't ya think?....Yanno how many parents have lived that exact experience?...Not just Vietnam....but from all wars?......Great thought and emotion should never bring shame.......
Crystal
Member
since 07-24-99
Posts 70
Hazel Park Mi U.S.A.


6 posted 07-29-99 11:08 PM       View Profile for Crystal   Email Crystal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Crystal

I thought this was a great poem.
Back to the top!
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


7 posted 07-29-99 11:49 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I'm sure you know you can do better, Delores, but the story line and the thoughts it evokes give it worth. A purple heart is a small replacement for a human life.
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


8 posted 07-30-99 08:36 AM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

Delores, I really like the way you open the poem. It grabs the reader and brings them into the story, waiting to hear whaat you have to say. This stanza is very good,



"Brought him home in a box.

And we buried him that day.

Gave him a purple heart.

Put it in his room with the rest of his

things."



It says a lot about the finality of the son's death and then when you say, "that's how it will stay" shows the mother's grief and how she wishes he were still there, keeping the room the same for him.



I'd work some on the meter since it's not as smooth as I think you could make it. But otherwise, very nice read. Thank you.

LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


9 posted 07-30-99 08:54 AM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

Delores

I've been on two of the three sides of that story. I was there, and when I came back, one of my "extra" duties was notifying next of kin in person - at the ripe old age of 24. It sucks on all counts.

As for your poem - a great story line. It does need some work on format and meter, but perhaps it needs work because the thoughts were pouring out of you like a dam had burst. Can't really blame the flood for not flowing like the river, can we?
Delores Hall
Member
since 07-16-99
Posts 358
USA


10 posted 07-30-99 08:23 PM       View Profile for Delores Hall   Email Delores Hall   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Delores Hall

Okay Doreen Thank you for taking the time to
read this and comment on it.I appreciate
that even in the face of adversity you seem
to have taken it in stride.

Lng Jhn,I was somewhat young when the war
was going on. But I was aware of it, I think
at that time I was to shallow to even consider what was happening in our world.
Anyways I was never affected by this,I never
lost someone to a war,but the stories I have
read and heard.I guess it just fasinates me.
I'm trying to learn why this happened and
how it affected those young men. I have a 18
year old son and I for one can just not imagine someone giving him a gun to go
and kill the enemy (as they call it).Anyways
I wouldn't have wanted the job you had to
do.I don't think they could have paid me
a millon dollars to do that. I'm sorry that
you had to be a part of that. If you enjoyed
this poem,I wrote another called I am a
soldier that you might enjoy if you want
to look it up.

 
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