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Open Poetry #1
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Delores Hall
Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 342
USA

0 posted 1999-07-27 03:21 PM


He gets up for work at four.
And tells his wife."Don't worry
honey we won't always be this poor."

His shoes have big holes.
And there showing his toes.
And they could really use some
insulation to keep out the cold.
And the roof keeps on leaking.
And the attic is reeking.

And he wonders how did I get this poor.

There's a hinge missing on the back door.
And under the carpet there's a hole in the
floor.
And the water keeps dripping.
And the mattress is ripping.

And he wonders how did I get this poor.

He works two jobs to make their way.
Hoping he can afford to fix everything
someday.
His back is broken.
From all his labor.
And he sits and wonders if he will ever
be able to live up to his neighbors.

He sees his brother scamming his way.
With a beautiful home.
Without any pay.
Filing his lawsuits and lying his way.
And living it up on the backs of S.S.A.
His brother tells him. "You should try it
someday."

"Then I wonder what would my children say."
"No"he says."I can't tell those kinds of
lies."
"I simply have morals and to much pride."

He puts on his tattered coat.
And walks out the door.
And wonders will I always be this poor.

© Copyright 1999 Delores Hall - All Rights Reserved
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA
1 posted 1999-07-27 03:31 PM


Rich with integrity, the best kind of wealth.
I liked this very much. Thanks for sharing.

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
2 posted 1999-07-27 04:15 PM


I like this one a lot. Sometimes it's hard not to lie to get ahead. I just wrote one on that subject. This is very good! God Bless!
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
3 posted 1999-07-27 04:18 PM


Delores

An very interesting topic - for a thorough critique, please send me $20 in SASE (heh heh heh). Actually, it was a great subject, and you developed the story well. May I suggest you smooth it out in rhythm just a wee bit?

LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
4 posted 1999-07-27 04:20 PM


ps

Can you believe that I, a man who can't tap his foot three times in a row, would suggest rhythm? I'm so bad at rhythm, the Pope excommunicated me! j/k

Delores Hall
Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 342
USA
5 posted 1999-07-27 07:03 PM


Thank you for all the replies.But I wonder
Lng Jhn what do you mean on smoothing out
the rhythm a bit?

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow
6 posted 1999-07-27 08:26 PM


This was throughly inspiring. Beautifully written, and wonderful thought.
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