Member Rara Avis
Your final two lines seem to suggest that the impact we have on others is transitory and fleeting, and therefore perhaps of little importance.
It's meaningful just for a moment,
Then fades like a summer star.
My earlier point was that if these closing lines were to be taken literally, then you have a good poem. It's not a message that everyone would find hopeful, but it's certainly a message artfully expressed.
But I sensed a dichotomy between the tone of your opening lines and the seeming futility embodied in your close. You start out saying one thing, but then seem to say something else entirely. Or do you???
And that's what I meant by subtle and delightful. If your message is cynicism, then your simile is merely appropriate. But if your intent was to suggest the impact we have on others is enduring, then your comparison is both very powerful and very subtle. And quite delightful!
A summer star does, after all, fade - but only from our mortal sight. It's still there, of course, even though we no longer see it. It is still affecting all other bodies of the Universe, still the center perhaps of a solar system and maybe even life. Indeed, in this physical Universe, that star is maybe the closest thing we can find to forever.
And maybe, just maybe, the impact we have on other people - though often unseen - lasts much longer than many might think.
[This message has been edited by Ron (edited 08-15-99).]