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Passions in Poetry

She thought--i think this is my best one yet

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swan
Member
since 07-19-99
Posts 58
california, usa


0 posted 07-22-99 12:10 AM       View Profile for swan   Email swan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for swan


She told him that she loved him then thought,"what am i thinking, when i have another lover on the side." she thought," who am i fooling?" It seems like she never gets anything done when all these relationships run into one. He treats her like she's nothing every single day. He said," i care anout you sometimes" she thought ,"well that's okay." She knew her life was slowly going down the drain, but she thought,"would things be different if i could kiss him in the rain?" She knew why things were changing and she knew what she must do, so she waited for him to come home then said,"i'm leaving you." Then she waited for days and days for the other guy to call. She told him,"things won't work out." then accidently called him Paul. It didn't take him long to figure everything out, and once he tells his friends no one will trust her, without a doubt. She thought," if only i could go back, and try one more time, then i would do things different and erase this awful crime." So tonight no one wants her and no one calls her on the phone. She realized life is lonely once she thought,"now i'm alone."
© Copyright 1999 swan - All Rights Reserved
Saxoness
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Senior Member
since 07-18-99
Posts 1176
Texas


1 posted 07-22-99 12:18 AM       View Profile for Saxoness   Email Saxoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Saxoness

this is very nice, but just a gentle hint, line breaks could make this so much more powerful. good job

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"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot

Princess Lily
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since 07-13-99
Posts 149
USA


2 posted 07-22-99 01:07 AM       View Profile for Princess Lily   Email Princess Lily   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Princess Lily

This is something that happens to people everyday...and you express it in a moving way.

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We see only what we want to see~unless perhaps~we believe


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