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Open Poetry #1
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How Do I Love You?
| Open Poetry #1 |
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How Do I Love You? |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Daddy, how do I love you? You're supposed to take pain away. Daddy,I don't want your caress. I don't want your pain. Please don't touch me that way, I really don't want your hands on my dress. Honey, how do I love you? Don't you want to play the game? Here, sit up on Daddy's lap. Just do exactly what you've done before, exactly the same. No honey, don't think of it as a trap. Husband, how do I love you? You spent our money on liquor, The children are hungry, what do I feed them? You stumble in, being gone all night, then you leave even quicker, The memory of loving you grows dim. How do I love you? Come over here wife, get into the bed, I'll show you what a real man's made of. I'm late. Hurry up woman, you heard exactly what I said, You know just how to make love. How do I love you, Daddy, when twice you've broken my arm? Bloody noses, missing teeth, all from you. Why all the bruises, aren't you supposed to keep me from harm? I can't believe I love you, with all that you do. How do I love you? Come over here, you sniveling, little brat. Bring me the belt, no not that, the black one! I love you. Can't have you spoiled, I'll show you where it's at. Turn around, bend over, let me get it done. How do I love you? The answer is that I don't, not anymore. Once upon a fairy tale I really did. One day soon when you're sleeping, I'll even every old score, I'll be the one nailing down the coffin lid. ©1999 DreamEvil ------------------ Being paranoid is the biggest reason I'm still around to practice my paranoia. DreamEvil© [This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 07-19-99).] [This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 07-19-99).] [This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 07-19-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 DreamEvil - All Rights Reserved | |||
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elvira Senior Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 936California |
i'm truly moved...in poetry we so often idealize relationships...alas, reality mostly still "bites" ------------------ Childhood Memories...your countenance...hoarse whispers...My One and Only...Tribute to M.J... serving wench...stolen hours...devotion...Master...apart... |
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Gentle Soul Member
since 1999-07-12
Posts 273Vinton,Ohio USA |
I love it Dream.. just as I said it would do.. I believe it will touch many.. and dont worry about the others ;-) hehe.. Bravo!  ------------------ Gënt£ë¤§°û£ |
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~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
Dream, this is very good... very sad and touching. I can feel the anger, the fear...You've done a wonderful job with this piece. ------------------ ~onevoice~ "I never kissed somebody so that they would break my heart." |
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Dragon Member
since 1999-07-14
Posts 138Highmount,NY ,USA |
SOul searching again,Very moving,Fantastic. |
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Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
It hurt me to read this............that means very well done. ------------------ "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
The intent was to open eyes that have been too long shut. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Bravo. |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Thank you, Sunshine, your verse is on it's way. |
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Ohme Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816Texas |
This one makes me feel uncomfortable. But that's alright too. Isn't the purpose of poetry to stir emotion. No gurantee that the emotion will always be comfy cozy. I was touched. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Excellent! I've always felt that poets can bring a subject to the attention of the people in a way like no other! Poetry is supposed to be be an expression of our souls; be the dark or light. This is a dark portrait of an evil man. The subject is disturbing - the poem is effective - the message is clear! I'm impressed. |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Thank you, Ohme, praise from a peer is always dear. Lady deVine, once again you found the time, to read and critique my pitiful rhyme. Thank you, dear Lady. |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
I read this and the following comments. I re-read it hoping for some glimmer of the brilliance that others have insinuated was there. I found none. This peice was contrived, forced, and painfully apparent. I sense an abilty but no inspiration. I'll read more, hoping for some of the wonders that the others have eluded to..... |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Again, the subject matter is objectionable. I would tell you that this is one of my more angry attempts. Perhaps you are unfamiliar with the Darkness I live with daily. I would point out that the rudeness you display in your remarks is more appropriately needed in Critical Analysis. You might at least consider the feelings of the individual you disparaging. Unless of course, the concept of common courtesy eludes you. ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Ah, I see that I have offended. None meant. I focused my comments purely on the poetic. Those who know me know that I am not one to attack visciously. As for where you are coming from, your intent, etc.... I did not think of that, nor did I consider that in my analysis. I merely read your work for what it is, on its own. If I judged too harshly, then I am truly sorry. |
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Red Letter Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 85Allentown, PA |
Dear DreamEvil... Re-read the comments that were made. They were neither rude nor did they attack you as a person. He did not disparage you - only disagreed with the former commendation. While it is true that his comments may be more appropriate to the Critical Analysis forum, you are posting on a public forum. That implies that you are looking for feedback, good, bad, ugly and indifferent. I have learned more from negative comments on my work then a thousand "well done's" - it will help you to grow as a poet and make you a better writer. Take it with a grain of salt, my friend - I promise you will be better off for it. Red |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
It seems the torch he carries for you has singed his mind. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Wow Evil....this poem envoked a lot of feelings in me. To say it "hit" a little too close to home would not be a lie. Sometimes, we as poets, tend to forget the darker sides of life. Life is not all love, flowers and romance...it's about time we share these other things too. Applauds your bravery to share this piece. If you are interested in something of mine very much like this, let me know and I will e-mail it to you...it is a piece of prose entitled Domestic Violence my e-mail is hoot_owl_rn@yahoo.com ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
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Ominous Member
since 1999-07-04
Posts 68Canada |
This poem helped open my eyes to something I had chosen to forget. This really touched my heart. A job well done. |
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sea_of_okc Senior Member
since 1999-06-15
Posts 568Oklahoma City, OK, USA |
A small shred of the darkness exposed to the light... good job dreamevil |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Open eyes are what I write for, thank you. ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
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