»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #1
»
The Ghost in the Hollow
| Open Poetry #1 |
|
The Ghost in the Hollow |
|
|
DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Nearing dawn the tempestuous night redoubled it's fervor growing ever slower in it's mighty gyrations. Turgid and thick in it's protestations, with an almost audible crack the horizon snapped open it's silver eye. The brightening silver glow illuminated the year's first crisp fallen snow like the sheddings of angel's wings or lover's kisses. The trees were bare, reaching for the sky with wanton abandon and feverish eagerness. That essential quiet that marks the start of each newborn day with the chilling revelation that the earth is one day closer to death, makes it's way into the world with every breath. The appearance of a gentle hollow reveals itself with infinite regret, to the aborning morning that will follow yet lies nestled in the content of first passion's afterglow. Within this hidden grove lies a child that died, in misery, before her time. So, lonely the ghost wanders in obscurity begging for Heaven to set her free from the ties that bind. Dawn and twilight, opposites in potency, are the only times the substance of ethereal flesh can be. It becomes a reminder of those who will never find her, so lost is she. Yet the simple contentment and radiant wonder she sees, more than compare to the disease of reason that holds her through each season, tearing her heart asunder. The ghost in the hollow cannot follow her burning desire to be free, since the ties that bind have realigned, trapping her in the lonely hollow for all time. With the burgeoning light, she fades from sight, granted a reprieve until the beginning of night again reveals her frightened delight to empty eyes, for there is no one there to see the denial of her plight. ©1999 DreamEvil ------------------ Being paranoid is the biggest reason I'm still around to practice my paranoia. DreamEvil© |
||
| © Copyright 1999 DreamEvil - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Janus New Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7 |
Very interesting language, and form. Unfortunately a little hard to comprehend due to an abundance of adjectives. Your poem was extremely promising, keep evolving!! |
||
|
Janus New Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7 |
Forgot to mention that your internal rhyme is delightfully subversive, if a little obvious. |
||
|
Dragon Member
since 1999-07-14
Posts 138Highmount,NY ,USA |
Very intense.I like it! |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Not only could I see, feel and hear this in my heart, it was simply beautiful in its tragedy. Thank you. ------------------ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
||
|
~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
Very deep, Dream. And thought provoking for me. I love your style!  |
||
|
DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Thanks for the replies, but I thought it turned out ridiculous. 'nuff of that style, eh?  |
||
|
Gentle Soul Member
since 1999-07-12
Posts 273Vinton,Ohio USA |
I like it.. ------------------ Gënt£ë¤§°û£ |
||
|
dimples22 Junior Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 30 |
Evil, I think your poems speak volumes of inner sorrow and turmoil, I always enjoy reading your work. |
||
|
Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Beautiful. ------------------ ..And down from the eternal heavens comes fate's jewelled fingertips, it's magic flowing into awaiting souls..--Krista Knutson *Krista Knutson* |
||
|
azblond Senior Member
since 1999-07-01
Posts 637The Steamy Desert |
Never enough...I liked it, and judging by the general concensus, I think we deserve more! Loved it is a better way to put it by the way... ------------------ For sometimes when the Darkness falls, we must surrender, take what is ours, and give what we can, and always remember love is somewhere waiting... |
||
|
DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Actually put some effort into this. I'm glad it's well received. |
||
Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
I got a bit lost in the adjectives at first.......had to stop and begin again. it's slow reading, and evens out (becomes thinner?) at the end. You have a definite way to tell a story, just clean up the mechanics a bit, and look what wonders will occur! |
||
|
Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
oh......forgot to say..........the silver eye bit at the beggining was fantastic! |
||
|
wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
tiz dreamy at his best always i can count on a lil ease of the heart readin his emotional work |
||
|
DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Saxoness, a pleasure. walt, I know how busy you've been. Thanks for checking. |
||
|
JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Wonderful potential sadly ladden with excessive adjectives and too long verse. Keep going my friend, you have talent hidden somewhere in there. |
||
|
DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Intended to be thick, just an experiment. You might try it, I find that experimentation broadens the mind. ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||