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Confined (for a friend)
| Open Poetry #1 |
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Confined (for a friend) |
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Sundance Member
since 1999-07-11
Posts 123 |
You stay in your own space, there is an invisible wall. I dare not sep in it's place, won't you let it fall? The wall around you is forbiding, it scares me to try. I know your not kidding, But I ask, why? Is it love you want, or is it friendship? Why are you so blunt, do you toss and turn like a ship? I would love to help you, but is it love you want and need? It makes me cry, Oh you!, do you ever want to be freed? I hope you find a mate, I say this like a friend. Don't stay in a never-ending plate, is there awound that I can mend? If the wound is great, why don't you let it heal? Oh, is it to late? I hope not, as I kneel! Your life is a box, you dare not go out. It is over you like a pox, are you in a state of doubt? I wish I could help, but when the time is now, I'll help, just give yelp! I will help you mend!!! |
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| © Copyright 1999 Sundance - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jfreak Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 306Yuma, AZ, USA |
What is with the last stanza? You had a really good rhyme scheme going and then the last stanz with the 2nd and 4th lines you threw it out the window. Come on now it wouldn't have been that hard to find a word to rhyme with mend or use two other words that would convey what you are trying to say. Anyway, You have done a really good job here, accept for the already mentioned, keep up the great work and look forward to more posts from you. Jfreak |
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Sundance Member
since 1999-07-11
Posts 123 |
Sorry, when I wrote the last stanza, I wuz having a bad rhyming day. Thanks for the reply! I need encouragement, and comments!  |
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