How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #1 Archive
 Confined
 1 2
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Confined (for a friend)

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Sundance
Member
since 07-11-99
Posts 124


0 posted 07-15-99 05:49 PM       View Profile for Sundance   Email Sundance   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Sundance

You stay in your own space,
there is an invisible wall.
I dare not sep in it's place,
won't you let it fall?

The wall around you is forbiding,
it scares me to try.
I know your not kidding,
But I ask, why?

Is it love you want,
or is it friendship?
Why are you so blunt,
do you toss and turn like a ship?

I would love to help you,
but is it love you want and need?
It makes me cry, Oh you!,
do you ever want to be freed?

I hope you find a mate,
I say this like a friend.
Don't stay in a never-ending plate,
is there awound that I can mend?

If the wound is great,
why don't you let it heal?
Oh, is it to late?
I hope not, as I kneel!

Your life is a box,
you dare not go out.
It is over you like a pox,
are you in a state of doubt?

I wish I could help,
but when the time is now,
I'll help, just give yelp!
I will help you mend!!!
© Copyright 1999 Sundance - All Rights Reserved
jfreak
Member
since 06-17-99
Posts 311
Yuma, AZ, USA


1 posted 07-15-99 06:00 PM       View Profile for jfreak   Email jfreak   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jfreak

What is with the last stanza? You had a really good rhyme scheme going and then the last stanz with the 2nd and 4th lines you threw it out the window. Come on now it wouldn't have been that hard to find a word to rhyme with mend or use two other words that would convey what you are trying to say. Anyway, You have done a really good job here, accept for the already mentioned, keep up the great work and look forward to more posts from you.

Jfreak
Sundance
Member
since 07-11-99
Posts 124


2 posted 07-15-99 06:02 PM       View Profile for Sundance   Email Sundance   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sundance

Sorry, when I wrote the last stanza, I wuz having a bad rhyming day. Thanks for the reply! I need encouragement, and comments!

 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #1 >> Confined Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors