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Passions in Poetry

a future??

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KTrail99
Junior Member
since 07-15-99
Posts 14


0 posted 07-15-99 04:28 PM       View Profile for KTrail99   Email KTrail99   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for KTrail99

In a world without boundaries
No one can hear
The pain in the children's cries
Few can bear

The acts and deeds
That make us cringe
We sow the seeds
Of a society on the fringe

People hide and look away
When a child is in pain
Few will step into the fray
To many, seem insane

Cannot live too long this way
Our future is at stake
Put our children first this day
It is the only decision we should make



[This message has been edited by KTrail99 (edited 07-16-99).]
© Copyright 1999 KTrail99 - All Rights Reserved
tori
Senior Member
since 06-18-99
Posts 521
Mechanicsville, Maryland, USA


1 posted 07-15-99 07:21 PM       View Profile for tori   Email tori   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tori's Home Page   View IP for tori

Such a powerful message here ... good job!
I'm thinking!!

My only suggestion is to make (childs cries)
plural by childrens cry
Should try to end in rhyme,
Let me know what you come up with
Really good message with strong verse
Keep the keybords burning...
And please come help me sometime... :-)
I need all the help I can get...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If with pen in hand I've made you think
I've not wasted one drop of ink
vlh.
KTrail99
Junior Member
since 07-15-99
Posts 14


2 posted 07-15-99 10:39 PM       View Profile for KTrail99   Email KTrail99   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for KTrail99

Thanks for the info tori, your right about the change it does sound better. ..i will try to change the ending also
 
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