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Open Poetry #1

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Brianne
New Member

since 1999-07-14

Posts 6
Boston, MA

0 posted 1999-07-14 04:53 PM

*** this poem would be more suitable in the Adult Forums ***

[This message has been edited by rcarnell (edited 07-14-99).]

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

1 posted 1999-07-14 05:07 PM

I really, really liked where this was going until I got there. Very beautiful, very sensual, but the ending was not what I expected - shocking. If that's what you were going for, great job! - And now that I take a second read, the theme was there all the time. Damn, but we mortals can be so blind sometimes.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 1999-07-14 05:08 PM

You may want to check with the moderator; this probably belongs in the Adult Section. Thought process is good. I have a tough time getting past typographical errors because they disturb my thought process. If you are composing them in a word program, you might want to do a spell check first before posting. The timing of the poem is good, moving from past to present in a flick of a sentence. I look forward to reading more of your work.

------------------
Sunshine

Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ

Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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