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Brianne
New Member
since 07-14-99
Posts 6
Boston, MA


0 posted 07-14-99 04:53 PM       View Profile for Brianne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Brianne

*** this poem would be more suitable in the Adult Forums ***

[This message has been edited by rcarnell (edited 07-14-99).]
© Copyright 1999 Brianne - All Rights Reserved
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


1 posted 07-14-99 05:07 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

I really, really liked where this was going until I got there. Very beautiful, very sensual, but the ending was not what I expected - shocking. If that's what you were going for, great job! - And now that I take a second read, the theme was there all the time. Damn, but we mortals can be so blind sometimes.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


2 posted 07-14-99 05:08 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

You may want to check with the moderator; this probably belongs in the Adult Section. Thought process is good. I have a tough time getting past typographical errors because they disturb my thought process. If you are composing them in a word program, you might want to do a spell check first before posting. The timing of the poem is good, moving from past to present in a flick of a sentence. I look forward to reading more of your work.

------------------
Sunshine

Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ

Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


 
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