»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #1
»
Faded Blue Jeans And Raspberry Iced Tea"..........in prose form
| Open Poetry #1 |
|
Faded Blue Jeans And Raspberry Iced Tea"..........in prose form |
|
|
Alain DeLaCendres Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119Ohio |
It was a small one stop gas station, one of those ones that you spend two minutes in then never return to. The warm sidewalk had been making my shoes a little too warm for comfort, and I was thirsty. About two dollars in change, mostly quaters, teased my finger tips in my front pockets. My legs ached a little more than a little from my fifteen minutes of aimless rambling. My friend had left me in this distant city to occupy myself while he took care of his "business" that he knew I didn't agree with. So, the gas station seemed to be my only redemption. The glass doors glided smoothly open, with a quiet "swoosh" from the rubber strips coming apart, to reveal a beautiful girl behind the counter who seemed to be about my age. She secretly watched me walk to the cooler and select a cold bottle, a raspberry iced tea. I turned to approach the check out while my fingers worked the quarters into my palm, I looked up and our eyes met. Her beautiful soft blue eyes, the color of faded blue jeans, held more than I had been ready for. In them I saw the burdens left behind by her many thankless lovers and the millions of disappointments they had brought to her. Her faded eyes also hid the secret of so much knowledge, beauty, and wisdom just below the void of her pupils. All this passed my mind in less than a second. I couldn't help but wonder what she had seen in my tired eyes. My raspberry iced tea was bought in silence. Our eyes were still locked together and our thoughts were one. Her delicate hand slowly placed my change into my waiting palm and we both felt the spark when we touched. "It really brings me down," I thought as the doors swooshed closed behind me, "that I'll never see this city, or her ever again because it's time to go back home now." 12:23am / 6-22-99 *note: this was my first attempt at "prose" and any suggestions and/or comments on anything are more than welcome. And there is a second part to this... ------------------ Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie. |
||
| © Copyright 1999 Alain DeLaCendres - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
elvira Senior Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 936California |
can't wait for the second part! does it have a happy ending? did you see her again? sweet anticipation!  ------------------ i never call a poem "nice" or such, for that would not be saying much [This message has been edited by elvira (edited 07-12-99).] |
||
|
mia Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 118 |
It makes me think of my favorite poem by Beaudelaire... "A une passante" He describes that while walking on the street, he crosses a beautiful stranger and in that one second when their eyes meet, he sees the forever that could be if only... and then they just both keep walking in their respectful direction but he swears that in that moment he loved her so intensily that it will last forever. I know that it isn't exactly the same but I could'nt help thinking that you captured the moment in this prose as well as he did in his poem . That moment when eaven if you don't talk or touch that person...their eyes tell everything you need to know to fall. Your prose was very magnificent (can you put those two words like that in a sentence in english???). It is by far my favorite. I felt as if I was there. Will there be a follow-up on this piece, you know ("une suite") I would love to read it. Keep writing so beautifully... mia |
||
|
Alain DeLaCendres Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119Ohio |
Thank you elivra, your comment is much appreciated. As for the "happy" ending..you'll just have to wait and judge that one for yourself. mia, there shall be "une suite" (for those who don't understand french, une suite means a sequel) since you and elbira have both asked for it. La suite has already been written, it is just in need of a title. And come to think of it "La Suite" sounds like a good one......you peeked my curiousity mia, and I'm off to see if I can find this poem by Beaudelaire online somewhere..any suggestions for me? Again, thank you both. ------------------ Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie. |
||
|
mia Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 118 |
Alain... could you read my poem called "for ashes-my last cigarette" and comment on it. Ashes in french mean de la cendre and I wrote that one for you because your words are so beautiful and they inspire me. I simply love reading your poetry. it is like an escape. Thank you for those magical words. Mia |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||