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Passions in Poetry

Ledge, my friend... ( I would love comments - this is a free verse)

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mia
Member
since 07-06-99
Posts 120


0 posted 07-09-99 01:13 PM       View Profile for mia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for mia

you have always been an example of truth to me
I like to think that I have offered you
the same relief that you have offered me
Slowly, through the years
we have left the little girls behind
to find these powerful women
and now,
where does that leave us?
Where do we find the time to consumate our lives
when the pressures to be flawless adults
hover over the fullness of our pounding heads?
The point of my words has not yet been found
I still wonder about Venus and Mars,
about God,
about the sky and the ocean,
about death...
but most of all,
I wonder about life...
So come home my friend
and help me solve all these mysteries
that poets have been pondering
since life began
I will be waiting in my garden
on the scent of flowers we will get stoned
with the tast of midnight wine we will remember yesterday
friendships like ours endure
friendships like ours build the path to forever
The stars in the sky
are the only everlasting beauty
in this world
so we must create momentary beauty
from within
to find ourselves
Love endures
Faith endures
Me and you...
we are the only truth that exists
within the reality that we endlessly create
as we turn the pages
allready written.
I miss you Ledge.
----------------------------

Sorry so long.
© Copyright 1999 mia - All Rights Reserved
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


1 posted 07-09-99 07:04 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Mia, since you asked for opinions, I went into this poem prepared to nicely advise you of improvements you could make. Problem is, I don't have any. The theme is more than adequate, the words are well-selected, the imagry and phrases are first class, and I am left with nothing to say except "well done".
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


2 posted 07-09-99 09:48 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

Hi Mia-

This poem is about so many deep things. What I like best about it is the imagery of you two sitting together in the garden. Several lines ring out for me:

"we have left he little girls behind/to find these powerful women" and
"I will be waiting in my garden/on the scent of flowers" and
"we must create momentary beauty/from within/to find ourselves".

ONe thing I think helps a free verse poem become better is using metaphors and similes and saying it without really coming right out and saying it. The above lines do that very well.

dp
Emmy
Member
since 06-29-99
Posts 204
KY

Newsletter Staff
3 posted 07-09-99 09:54 PM       View Profile for Emmy   Email Emmy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Emmy's Home Page   View IP for Emmy

***SIGH***... A wonderful poem of true friendship... we should treasure each as if it were the last... Well written! Beautiful...
JANNA
Member
since 06-18-99
Posts 53
arlington, tx usa


4 posted 07-09-99 10:01 PM       View Profile for JANNA   Email JANNA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JANNA

This makes me want to call up my best friend and tell her how much I love her!! Great poem, you hit it with such beauty!
Alain DeLaCendres
Member
since 07-02-99
Posts 121
Ohio


5 posted 07-10-99 01:33 AM       View Profile for Alain DeLaCendres   Email Alain DeLaCendres   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alain DeLaCendres

Well mia, I think I have to agree with the others. There aren't many correctional comments one could make. I myself like free verse more than any other form (prose taking second) so I guess I'm kinda biased. :->~

------------------
Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie.
mia
Member
since 07-06-99
Posts 120


6 posted 07-12-99 09:57 AM       View Profile for mia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mia

Wow! Comming to my computer this morning, I was not expecting all these beautiful comments. Thank you so much for just reading. But thank you more for liking this one... I believe that soulmates exist to fulfill different aspects of ones soul. Ledge and I connect in such a powerful way. I had'nt seen her in a very long time and when we met in my garden this weekend... it was like she had always been there eaven if physically far away. I just wanted to share what we have with the world because freindships like ours are so rare and precious.
I will be posting the poem that we wrote together this weekend...
Thanks again..
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


7 posted 07-12-99 11:20 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

One can see that the little friends will be old friends down the road. Well done.

------------------
Sunshine

Words will always express our feelings true.
KRJ

 
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