»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #1
»
Ledge, my friend... ( I would love comments - this is a free verse)
| Open Poetry #1 |
|
Ledge, my friend... ( I would love comments - this is a free verse) |
|
|
mia Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 118 |
you have always been an example of truth to me I like to think that I have offered you the same relief that you have offered me Slowly, through the years we have left the little girls behind to find these powerful women and now, where does that leave us? Where do we find the time to consumate our lives when the pressures to be flawless adults hover over the fullness of our pounding heads? The point of my words has not yet been found I still wonder about Venus and Mars, about God, about the sky and the ocean, about death... but most of all, I wonder about life... So come home my friend and help me solve all these mysteries that poets have been pondering since life began I will be waiting in my garden on the scent of flowers we will get stoned with the tast of midnight wine we will remember yesterday friendships like ours endure friendships like ours build the path to forever The stars in the sky are the only everlasting beauty in this world so we must create momentary beauty from within to find ourselves Love endures Faith endures Me and you... we are the only truth that exists within the reality that we endlessly create as we turn the pages allready written. I miss you Ledge. ---------------------------- Sorry so long. |
||
| © Copyright 1999 mia - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Mia, since you asked for opinions, I went into this poem prepared to nicely advise you of improvements you could make. Problem is, I don't have any. The theme is more than adequate, the words are well-selected, the imagry and phrases are first class, and I am left with nothing to say except "well done". |
||
|
doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Hi Mia- This poem is about so many deep things. What I like best about it is the imagery of you two sitting together in the garden. Several lines ring out for me: "we have left he little girls behind/to find these powerful women" and "I will be waiting in my garden/on the scent of flowers" and "we must create momentary beauty/from within/to find ourselves". ONe thing I think helps a free verse poem become better is using metaphors and similes and saying it without really coming right out and saying it. The above lines do that very well.  dp |
||
|
Emmy Member
since 1999-06-29
Posts 194KY |
***SIGH***... A wonderful poem of true friendship... we should treasure each as if it were the last... Well written! Beautiful... |
||
|
JANNA Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 51arlington, tx usa |
This makes me want to call up my best friend and tell her how much I love her!! Great poem, you hit it with such beauty! |
||
|
Alain DeLaCendres Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119Ohio |
Well mia, I think I have to agree with the others. There aren't many correctional comments one could make. I myself like free verse more than any other form (prose taking second) so I guess I'm kinda biased. :->~ ------------------ Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie. |
||
|
mia Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 118 |
Wow! Comming to my computer this morning, I was not expecting all these beautiful comments. Thank you so much for just reading. But thank you more for liking this one... I believe that soulmates exist to fulfill different aspects of ones soul. Ledge and I connect in such a powerful way. I had'nt seen her in a very long time and when we met in my garden this weekend... it was like she had always been there eaven if physically far away. I just wanted to share what we have with the world because freindships like ours are so rare and precious. I will be posting the poem that we wrote together this weekend... Thanks again.. |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
One can see that the little friends will be old friends down the road. Well done. ------------------ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. KRJ |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||