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Passions in Poetry

~words~

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tori
Senior Member
since 06-18-99
Posts 521
Mechanicsville, Maryland, USA


0 posted 07-09-99 12:07 PM       View Profile for tori   Email tori   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit tori's Home Page   View IP for tori

How words play a major part when one has a broken heart

When love an friendship takes its flight
We find ourselves at unreachable heights
Never quite knowing just what went wrong
Like when the tape is over but the song goes on

Questions of wonder fill our minds, never finding an end, not aware of time

why, what, and what ever, could, might, was, when.
Never an answer will come to this end

Our hearts strong an wild recharge as they will
Yet never knowing of what they lost still
In time we go onward, are minds find a blank
New love and friendships we have to thank
With flame less passion we act the part
For its loves treasured sorrows that holds our hearts
In twilight's dark embers the thoughts live on
In memory of what is gone

why, what, and what ever, could, might, was, when.
Never an answer will come to this end

Just comes to our senses to hurt us again
Dreams of the making, we get carried away
To a place sweet as heaven and what may have been

why, what, and what ever, could, might, was, when.
If only we had said them, right there an then

As easy as they come to mind, how hard the right ones are to find

Oh, how words play a major part, when one has a broken heart.


Tori 1998


[This message has been edited by tori (edited 07-09-99).]
© Copyright 1999 Victoria Hosier/tori - All Rights Reserved
jfreak
Member
since 06-17-99
Posts 311
Yuma, AZ, USA


1 posted 07-09-99 12:59 PM       View Profile for jfreak   Email jfreak   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jfreak

this line:

But in twilight's dark embers the thought will live on

Is the only thing i find disappoiting about this poem. It doesn't fit into the rhyme scheme. It is as if it is just dropped in there for no reason. I know it is to finish the point you are trying to make but maybe you could expound your thought to form two extra lines. Kind of like shakespeare does. You know. He uses 500 words to describe suicide or love. Just expound a little so it will completely fit. Other than that one line, this is a great poem. I love it. Tori it is obvious you have a great talent. You keep on pushing for greatness and I can't wait to see what else you have for us here. Thank you.

Jfreak

[This message has been edited by jfreak (edited 07-09-99).]
tori
Senior Member
since 06-18-99
Posts 521
Mechanicsville, Maryland, USA


2 posted 07-09-99 01:19 PM       View Profile for tori   Email tori   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tori's Home Page   View IP for tori

Thank you J.
This is the reason I post my poetry here to get the drive to make it better..
Thanks for the direction.. Now lets see if I get lost...lol
Tori
 
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