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Passions in Poetry

last night

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mia
Member
since 07-06-99
Posts 120


0 posted 07-08-99 10:22 AM       View Profile for mia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for mia


i could only see your eyes
like oceans of blue
leaking
between the cracks in my heart

i could only feel your hands
like running rivers
flowing
on the land that became my body

i could only hear your breath
like soft waves
caressing
the shores of my neck

and again last night
i forgot pain
to let myself drown
in the sea that was you

-----------------------------

You guys are really good and it can be pretty intimidating. i'm not any good at rhyming and stuff and so i prefer to just let the words flow as they come- kind of like modern art right? Maybe some of you could give some constructive criticism, since i'm just here to learn and to release my soul...but be gentle because i have a fragile heart...
thanks
Mia
© Copyright 1999 mia - All Rights Reserved
Emmy
Member
since 06-29-99
Posts 204
KY

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1 posted 07-08-99 12:23 PM       View Profile for Emmy   Email Emmy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Emmy's Home Page   View IP for Emmy

What beautiful imagery! I could picture everything... Your poetry is wonderful; an example of "modern art" at it's best. And don't let yourself me intimidated by the rest of us, for we are only as good as you make us. Your fragile heart shall not be broken. Perhaps YOU could teach ME something about free verse... I don't do it very often; most of my poetry is rhyming. If you would, please read "And The Hourglass Turns" and tell me what you think, since you seem to be so wonderful at that style. A job well done... and welcome to the family!
blueloon
Member
since 07-07-99
Posts 166
NY


2 posted 07-08-99 03:02 PM       View Profile for blueloon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for blueloon

your free verse is mirror to your soul. allow it to open and the rhymn will come from your thoughts not necessarily from the actual words.

blueloon
 
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