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one voice
Junior Member

since 1999-06-29

Posts 38
Billings, MT USA

0 posted 1999-07-05 06:10 PM

My own mind is my enemy,
let's darkness only to set free
these monsters of insanity
that take away the light.

To fall asleep is full of hell.
It's all upon my pain my dwell.
I'm tortured by my thoughts, and well,
I'm forced to stay awake.

If and when I fall asleep,
Nightmares are my own to keep.
So, when I lay me down to sleep,
My own mind cannot rest.

Sometimes I cry, sometimes I write.
I tell the tortures of this fright
and wonder what will be tonight
after this trying day.

I'm tired of the imagery
created by my enemy
that continues to keep frightening me
until I choose to quit.

I fear it will get the best of me-
my own mind, the enemy-
takes my share of normality,
but I cannot run from myself.

I hate this world I'm forced to live in
That I've created deep within,
That punishes without a sin
and made with no way out.

As days go by the blackness grows.
I'm weakness now from head to toes.
And no one can console my woes,
for no one understands.

I've become much like a vampire
inside this vast and growing empire,
Setting fear and pain on fire-
Don't touch me- I will bite.

I won't know that I'm hurting you
Till I'm forced to drown in truth.
I'll think that I am helping you,
But it's too late for you are gone.

Then, I've more pain to be tortured with.
This manic cycle floats adrift.
I only sleep the daytime shift,
and no normality is left.

This monster feasts on utter pain,
growing, consuming, over and over again.
I can't comprehend what I could possibly gain,
though I know I'm a prisoner to blackness.

------------------
~one voice~

***For myself I Live,
Live intensely and am fed by life,
and my value, whatever it be, is in my own kind of expression
of that. -Henry James

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

1 posted 1999-07-05 06:14 PM

Powerful and moving...Good work, one voice.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

2 posted 1999-07-05 06:33 PM

I like the power and strenght behind this one, but it seems so choppy in flow at points I can not keep up with it. I understand the format you are using by rhyming the first three lines of each stanza and not the last to reinforce the last line and give it a life of it's own and I think that could work...my only suggestion is to smoothen it up just a bit.

DreamEvil
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 2396

3 posted 1999-07-05 07:30 PM

Another vivid slice of darkness to delight. I always love your work.

------------------
I am not responsible for how you choose to interpret what I say.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

4 posted 1999-07-05 07:34 PM

Excellent! I disagree with hoot_owl_rn... this is a wonderful poem..loved the flow, loved the content and imagery!

Enrique
Member

since 1999-07-04

Posts 52
San Juan, PR

5 posted 1999-07-05 07:38 PM

I really like this one.

Craig
Member

since 1999-06-10

Posts 444

6 posted 1999-07-05 07:50 PM

One Voice

Superb I liked the way you added the non rhyming line for emphasis it worked really well

one voice
Junior Member

since 1999-06-29

Posts 38
Billings, MT USA

7 posted 1999-07-05 09:05 PM

thank you so much... all of you! I never thought this one would get so much attention! Thank you!

------------------
~one voice~

***For myself I Live,
Live intensely and am fed by life,
and my value, whatever it be, is in my own kind of expression
of that. -Henry James

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