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Passions in Poetry

My Enemy

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one voice
Junior Member
since 06-29-99
Posts 38
Billings, MT USA


0 posted 07-05-99 06:10 PM       View Profile for one voice   Email one voice   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for one voice

My own mind is my enemy,
let's darkness only to set free
these monsters of insanity
that take away the light.

To fall asleep is full of hell.
It's all upon my pain my dwell.
I'm tortured by my thoughts, and well,
I'm forced to stay awake.

If and when I fall asleep,
Nightmares are my own to keep.
So, when I lay me down to sleep,
My own mind cannot rest.

Sometimes I cry, sometimes I write.
I tell the tortures of this fright
and wonder what will be tonight
after this trying day.

I'm tired of the imagery
created by my enemy
that continues to keep frightening me
until I choose to quit.

I fear it will get the best of me-
my own mind, the enemy-
takes my share of normality,
but I cannot run from myself.

I hate this world I'm forced to live in
That I've created deep within,
That punishes without a sin
and made with no way out.

As days go by the blackness grows.
I'm weakness now from head to toes.
And no one can console my woes,
for no one understands.

I've become much like a vampire
inside this vast and growing empire,
Setting fear and pain on fire-
Don't touch me- I will bite.

I won't know that I'm hurting you
Till I'm forced to drown in truth.
I'll think that I am helping you,
But it's too late for you are gone.

Then, I've more pain to be tortured with.
This manic cycle floats adrift.
I only sleep the daytime shift,
and no normality is left.

This monster feasts on utter pain,
growing, consuming, over and over again.
I can't comprehend what I could possibly gain,
though I know I'm a prisoner to blackness.

------------------
~one voice~

***For myself I Live,
Live intensely and am fed by life,
and my value, whatever it be, is in my own kind of expression
of that. -Henry James
© Copyright 1999 one voice - All Rights Reserved
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


1 posted 07-05-99 06:14 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Powerful and moving...Good work, one voice.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


2 posted 07-05-99 06:33 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

I like the power and strenght behind this one, but it seems so choppy in flow at points I can not keep up with it. I understand the format you are using by rhyming the first three lines of each stanza and not the last to reinforce the last line and give it a life of it's own and I think that could work...my only suggestion is to smoothen it up just a bit.
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


3 posted 07-05-99 07:30 PM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

Another vivid slice of darkness to delight. I always love your work.

------------------
I am not responsible for how you choose to interpret what I say.


Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


4 posted 07-05-99 07:34 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Excellent! I disagree with hoot_owl_rn... this is a wonderful poem..loved the flow, loved the content and imagery!
Enrique
Member
since 07-04-99
Posts 52
San Juan, PR


5 posted 07-05-99 07:38 PM       View Profile for Enrique   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enrique

I really like this one.
Craig
Senior Member
since 06-10-99
Posts 882


6 posted 07-05-99 07:50 PM       View Profile for Craig   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Craig

One Voice

Superb I liked the way you added the non rhyming line for emphasis it worked really well
one voice
Junior Member
since 06-29-99
Posts 38
Billings, MT USA


7 posted 07-05-99 09:05 PM       View Profile for one voice   Email one voice   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for one voice

thank you so much... all of you! I never thought this one would get so much attention! Thank you!

------------------
~one voice~

***For myself I Live,
Live intensely and am fed by life,
and my value, whatever it be, is in my own kind of expression
of that. -Henry James
 
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