Billings, MT USA
My own mind is my enemy,
let's darkness only to set free
these monsters of insanity
that take away the light.
To fall asleep is full of hell.
It's all upon my pain my dwell.
I'm tortured by my thoughts, and well,
I'm forced to stay awake.
If and when I fall asleep,
Nightmares are my own to keep.
So, when I lay me down to sleep,
My own mind cannot rest.
Sometimes I cry, sometimes I write.
I tell the tortures of this fright
and wonder what will be tonight
after this trying day.
I'm tired of the imagery
created by my enemy
that continues to keep frightening me
until I choose to quit.
I fear it will get the best of me-
my own mind, the enemy-
takes my share of normality,
but I cannot run from myself.
I hate this world I'm forced to live in
That I've created deep within,
That punishes without a sin
and made with no way out.
As days go by the blackness grows.
I'm weakness now from head to toes.
And no one can console my woes,
for no one understands.
I've become much like a vampire
inside this vast and growing empire,
Setting fear and pain on fire-
Don't touch me- I will bite.
I won't know that I'm hurting you
Till I'm forced to drown in truth.
I'll think that I am helping you,
But it's too late for you are gone.
Then, I've more pain to be tortured with.
This manic cycle floats adrift.
I only sleep the daytime shift,
and no normality is left.
This monster feasts on utter pain,
growing, consuming, over and over again.
I can't comprehend what I could possibly gain,
though I know I'm a prisoner to blackness.
***For myself I Live,
Live intensely and am fed by life,
and my value, whatever it be, is in my own kind of expression
of that. -Henry James