How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #1 Archive
 Angel on My Shoulder©
 1 2 3 4
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Angel on My Shoulder©

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Genea
Member
since 06-15-99
Posts 325
USA


0 posted 07-04-99 11:52 PM       View Profile for Genea   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Genea

Angel on my shoulder
You’re not heavy at all.
Watch over and guide me
You catch me when I fall.

Angel on my shoulder
My Father sent you here
So I will have more faith
And less worry and fear.

Angel on my shoulder
I know that you’re the one
Who leads me to heaven
When my last day is done.

Angel on my shoulder
Don’t ever go away.
I need you here with me
Today and every day.
© Copyright 1999 Genea - All Rights Reserved
jfreak
Member
since 06-17-99
Posts 311
Yuma, AZ, USA


1 posted 07-05-99 04:44 AM       View Profile for jfreak   Email jfreak   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jfreak

This is my suggestion. That you try to expand your vocabulary. You might have made this poem a little better if you had broken out a thesarus. Don't get me wrong, it is really good poem. Structure is good, scheme is good, idea is good. Just as a poet, you should want your poem to reach out and grab someone with your words. It just seems a little too plain to me. That is all. It would be a great Hallmark card for sure though. *wink* Keep up the good work and let see if we can expand on the current skills you posses.

Jfreak
Genea
Member
since 06-15-99
Posts 325
USA


2 posted 07-05-99 12:39 PM       View Profile for Genea   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Genea

My gratitude for your proffer on my rune.

:-)
jfreak
Member
since 06-17-99
Posts 311
Yuma, AZ, USA


3 posted 07-06-99 01:24 AM       View Profile for jfreak   Email jfreak   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jfreak

You got me, you got me.

LOL

That was a good one.

Jfreak
Genea
Member
since 06-15-99
Posts 325
USA


4 posted 07-06-99 09:18 AM       View Profile for Genea   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Genea

hehe.....hoped u would!
:-)
 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #1 >> Angel on My Shoulder© Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors