Goodbye, Not Goodnight - pipTalk Forums

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Alain DeLaCendres
Member

since 1999-07-02

Posts 119
Ohio

0 posted 1999-07-04 03:08 AM

Please,
Say goodbye
Not goodnight.
It’s over,
It would have died
So I did as my heart told
And left before it got old, cold, or both.

So please,
Say goodbye
Not goodnight,
For nothing can come of a fight.
The fight of holding on
And knowing when to let go,
To let go when hearts grow slow
And the mind kicks in
To point out what’s going on
That love was too blind to see.

It used to be happy,
It used to be good,
But now it’s shriveled and dead,
But not yet dead
Only slowly dying
And trying
To prevent too much crying.
So please
Say goodbye,
Not goodnight.

*note: this is one of my least favorite poems of mine..the rythm is messed up, etc..
Just by the way, this poem was "inspired" (I guess..) by the Kiss song "Shandi" from the Destroyer album...anyway..

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Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie.

DreamEvil
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 2396

1 posted 1999-07-04 03:29 AM

A nice slice of night.

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I would devour you save that you would no longer be there.

Christina Myers
Member

since 1999-06-21

Posts 159

2 posted 1999-07-04 10:02 AM

I don't know Alain... I think you are being too harsh- I like this one a lot. And it's generally known that I have good taste! LOL
:-D

the rhythm isn't that distracting and I do like the feeling you've created with your choice of words...all in all it's *not* a bad effort.

-Christina

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And I thought: this is how poetry is born. It comes from invisible heights, it is secret and dark in its origins, solitary and fragrant, and like the river it will assimilate whatever falls in its current; it will seek a route between the mountains, and its crystalline song will ripple through the meadows."- Pablo Neruda

Artur Hawkwing
Member

since 1999-06-30

Posts 444
USA

3 posted 1999-07-05 01:47 AM

It's one that shines, not that I quite understood it all the way through...... but you're going to get much much better with time..... I didn't notice the rhyme distortion because my eyes are usually focused on the meaning. I had to wonder what "it" signified... maybe I'm a bad critic, but this is a good one! Even bad critics are right sometimes. LOL

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