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Passions in Poetry

Vessel

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invertigo18
Member
since 06-14-99
Posts 53
Prairieville, LA., USA


0 posted 07-01-99 08:57 PM       View Profile for invertigo18   Email invertigo18   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for invertigo18

So cold within this vessel.
No feeling can be found.
So old within this vessel.
But so young all around.

Burnt out
Sold out
Does anyone care about the rust consuming
the inside of the vessel's heart?
And everyone assuming
that it was alright inside was wrong from the start.

It travels alone.
Submerged in uncharted waters.
And even though it feels at home.
Its still in love with Poseidon's daughter.

So drown
Drown to find her
Yes drown
Now you're lost in her sadness
And you'll never have her.

Keep swimming on with the waves
That crash and break the dawn inside.
Keep swimming on with the waves
That hide her soul behind her eyes.

You're both drowning.
But you can't drop the lead weight.
Is that why you're frowning?
'Cause you're the one she has loved to hate?

Now fade into the night.
Now wade into the light.
Now shade you from the sight.
Of her searching for you.
You're both doomed
For this love can't be.



------------------
Luke Cakalic
© Copyright 1999 invertigo18 - All Rights Reserved
jfreak
Member
since 06-17-99
Posts 311
Yuma, AZ, USA


1 posted 07-02-99 04:04 AM       View Profile for jfreak   Email jfreak   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jfreak

I am not sure what to say. Overall it is a good poem. At some points it is a little jerky in the rhythm. I would watch out for that in my future writings. You have some nice phrases in certain places, imagery is pretty good throughout. Keep moving in that direction. I see a lot of potential in you to be a great poet. Keep moving in the direction you are going.

JFreak
 
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