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Passions in Poetry

The Truth Hurts

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Krystal
Member
since 06-19-99
Posts 145
Shelton,WA USA


0 posted 06-29-99 06:55 PM       View Profile for Krystal   Email Krystal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Krystal

I jumped into the fire
Naked, with my eyes closed;
"It's a matter of trust," you say,
I say that's the way love goes.

Your flame showed me the way
In the dark -- but it burned my skin;
When I think I'm getting somewhere, I'm just
A butterfly stuck on a pin.

And the truth hurts
When there is no escape;
The truth hurts,
And it's thin like crepe.

So I look into your eyes,
Searching for a sign;
But nothing is revealed--
The mirror is benign.

There's only fire and ice
Beneath the surface;
Why do we wander through Hell
Without even a purpose?

And the truth hurts
When there is no escape;
The truth hurts,
And it's thin like crepe.


------------------
Shannon D. Montgomery
("Krystal")
© Copyright 1999 Krystal - All Rights Reserved
Christina Myers
Member
since 06-21-99
Posts 169


1 posted 06-29-99 07:32 PM       View Profile for Christina Myers   Email Christina Myers   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Christina Myers's Home Page   View IP for Christina Myers

Krystal, this is wonderful... it moved me along very quickly and I really liked it...
one suggestion though, I think to give the ending a bit more of a punch you might try another stanza, working in the crepe line again so that it carries some momentuem...
but overall this is a really strong piece and I've read it three times!!

-Christina
Krystal
Member
since 06-19-99
Posts 145
Shelton,WA USA


2 posted 06-29-99 07:41 PM       View Profile for Krystal   Email Krystal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Krystal

Christina...
Thank you very much for your insight and your kind comments! I will try to re-work the ending sometime, also... very good suggestion. Thanks for reading and replying.


------------------
Shannon D. Montgomery
("Krystal")
Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 06-20-99
Posts 2589
Normal, Illinois


3 posted 06-29-99 07:59 PM       View Profile for Lost Dreamer   Email Lost Dreamer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lost Dreamer

I loved all the lines of this poem, but this one really struck me as good "When I think I'm getting somewhere, I'm just
A butterfly stuck on a pin."
Krystal
Member
since 06-19-99
Posts 145
Shelton,WA USA


4 posted 06-29-99 08:08 PM       View Profile for Krystal   Email Krystal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Krystal

Thank you so much for your comments, Lost Dreamer!

------------------
Shannon D. Montgomery
("Krystal")
Fred Hobbs
Member
since 06-08-99
Posts 353
Tallahassee, Florida, US


5 posted 06-29-99 10:33 PM       View Profile for Fred Hobbs   Email Fred Hobbs   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Fred Hobbs's Home Page   View IP for Fred Hobbs

Krystal,

I really like this one! It's one of your best and they all have been excellent.

sandman
Krystal
Member
since 06-19-99
Posts 145
Shelton,WA USA


6 posted 06-30-99 04:04 AM       View Profile for Krystal   Email Krystal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Krystal

Wow, Fred! I'm glad to know you think it's one of my best... that is encouraging. Thanks so much for reading and responding!

------------------
Shannon D. Montgomery
("Krystal")
Krystal will be notified of replies
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