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Passions in Poetry

Soul Seeking

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Alysia
Junior Member
since 06-26-99
Posts 35
american falls, idaho usa


0 posted 06-27-99 03:27 AM       View Profile for Alysia   Email Alysia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alysia

*What could possibly go wrong anymore? I'm in a totally new world now that my previous life has diminished. Why do I make things so hard on myself and others, assuming wrongs and hatred that doesn't exist and never will? Watching all that goes on around me, I find that I'm unwanted and not needed in any part of this silhouette that takes place. Unforgiving is my nature. Assumptions I make constantly. I see no earthly reason why I do this and no way I can change it now. My world has fallen and caved in over my feeble mind and heart. I develop a new sense of living and instantaneously the hell is recreated. I am part of a nectar that tastes of putrid want. I yearn to grasp your untouchable soul. Pushing me away would grant no solitude. I not only dream of sensing what you feel, but touching your inner being and carrying you through this maze of unconditional chaos. Endless possibilities arise at the touch of my hand. Caressing all of what is inside you. I feel a sense of sun glimmering through the trees that fogs my thoughts and leads me away from my true desire. A feeling. What is the meaning of each unknown feeling that lurks inside of us? I crave to know this, I reach out to soothe your soul and find a sense of belonging. Selfish in all ways, I want you to need me. I want you to feel deep inside your soul that I am what you need and want more than life itself. To feel that with me, all things could die and my hands anchoring your mind and heart would keep you alive.*

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~ Alysia*
© Copyright 1999 Alysia - All Rights Reserved
Genea
Member
since 06-15-99
Posts 325
USA


1 posted 06-27-99 10:29 AM       View Profile for Genea   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Genea

Lots of emotion in this one. One suggestion...don't write it in a big paragraph like that....harder to read and it might turn off some folks.

~Genea
Alysia
Junior Member
since 06-26-99
Posts 35
american falls, idaho usa


2 posted 06-27-99 02:26 PM       View Profile for Alysia   Email Alysia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alysia

My reason for writing it in one large paragraph is that it's prose. one thought that i have jumbled in my head and escaped onto paper. i can understand how it would turn people off, yet i also find that if you read the words instead of thinking about the length, you'll enjoy what it says.

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~ Alysia*
Haskins
Member
since 06-26-99
Posts 86
Dallas, TX


3 posted 06-27-99 02:31 PM       View Profile for Haskins   Email Haskins   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Haskins's Home Page   View IP for Haskins

Perhaps you could split the difference. I find that thoughts (even when jumbled) come in machine gun bursts of various lengths. Perhaps some of the lines could run into short paragraphs while others could be short bursts...thoughts that hang in suspense for the reader's breath...

Just a thought. I say go with whatever structure feels right to you.

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William Haskins
http://www.ionstorm.com/public/haskins/inner_sanctum.htm
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