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Passions in Poetry

In To the Darkness

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wayoutwalt
Member Ascendant
since 06-22-99
Posts 5106
TEXAS (it's all big)


0 posted 06-24-99 01:01 AM       View Profile for wayoutwalt   Email wayoutwalt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for wayoutwalt

Readers Note: The poet knows this is a very very long poem. He was going through some tough times and the droning on of this poem helped the said poet to get over it and of course said poet gets over it a lil more every time he gets to share it with the reader. thanky

Judgement is coming soon all will face it
Darkness is here so why not embrace it
The pain is one thing I will never know
In the darkness I'm doomed to go
What does it matter if I cannot feel
For in this darkness nothing real
On the weak corrupted soul
Excessive darkness takes its toll
A fires last embers so hard to defend
Life is fragile yet is it easy to end
Maybe it's better for me anyway
I will long for darkness not the day

Turning the trip of my insanity
It makes its stops but not for me
If darkness dosent dig my grave
My ending days where madmen rave
Will i feel better not having a name
Would I feel better if nothingness came
While I still live they'll cut me apart
And there the darkness running my heart
Paranoia bores deep into my soul
Darkness enters and fills in the whole
But if the pain can be swept away
I will long for darkness not the day

My mind has broken through the blinding mist
I cant even know if I still exist
An apparition abruptly appears
But I can't see through the bittersweet tears
Her wild caged stare makes me realize
The mirror reflection caught in her eyes
I knew her not but I can feel her love
I see in her face what I'm thinking of
The woman drifts on but was she there
Too much fantasy can be a nightmare
I hear a voice say, "I always loved you"
Do memories prove experiences true
How do I know I'm not losing my mind
Is the answer possible to find
Confusion forces madness upon men
Can I go back if I've never been
I've lost hold of my last waning candle
And now is gone but for waxed covered handle
It looks as if my darkness surrounds me
But lo this time the pain has found me
There's a trail that leads into the night
I knew long ago there'd be no bright light

A twisted tree stands in paradise grown
My eyes tell me what's not to be known
Those barren branches seem productive
Simple solutions so seductive
A lonely testament to what goes wrong
When a dying spirit stands too long
I question the times I have forgotten
And like the trees fruit inside so rotten
Then all is clear the answers revealed
What I have held close my shattering shield
Full of poison I know I must die
So much easier to choose the lie

There before me a silhouetted shade
Through depths of darkness I see it wade
Never i know has such beauty flowed
With an air of grace down a damned filled road
I find that I am forced to follow
In the darkness the path is swallowed
But then again I can see the shade
And no longer will I be afraid
So many places i am led through
Familiar faces that I once knew
Their mouths gape open and spill one word
But in the darkness their voices unheard
My heart turns cold I cannot move
I demand intentions quickly proved
The supernatural need not persuade
Into the darkness I follow the shade

For a score not another around
Silence can be such an unsettling sound
Bloody wars fought I never will fight
So many wrongs never able to right
Dirty child I can see it crying
I must pass on as my soul is dying
Vision of evil that man has made
I would be quite right if not for the shade

Seasons change but it is always cold
Time must pass I am growing this old
Like a lost black sheep behind the shade
I knew one day even it would fade
In despair the end I grab for its hand
My paws are useless but for digging in sand
At once I'm human death and its charms
I welcome my friend with folded arms

End

If you got this far thank you




[This message has been edited by wayoutwalt (edited 06-24-99).]
© Copyright 1999 Walt Burns - All Rights Reserved
owen
Junior Member
since 06-17-99
Posts 20
Toledo, WA USA


1 posted 06-24-99 02:29 AM       View Profile for owen   Email owen   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit owen's Home Page   View IP for owen

This is one of the most exceptional works I've seen. This is one I could read a hundred times and never grow tired of. Thanks a lot for shareing it with us. I'm sure it'll make an emotional impact on anyone that reads it. Thanks.

Owen
Christina Myers
Member
since 06-21-99
Posts 169


2 posted 06-24-99 08:28 AM       View Profile for Christina Myers   Email Christina Myers   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Christina Myers's Home Page   View IP for Christina Myers

what impresses me the most is that you sustained the rhyme and never lost the power or momenteum of the piece. did it go through a lot of re-writes? or did it just spring out that way? amazing.

-C
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


3 posted 06-24-99 09:51 AM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

Hi Walt.

I think you have some very powerful lines here and the makings of a work of poetry which will last. Some of these lines are especially effective... such as "A twisted tree stands in paradise grown" and "Into the darkness I follow the shade" and "Silence can be such an unsettling sound" and "Seasons change but it is always cold".

I think this Forum is supposed to encourage support from others and maybe a bit of critique, so I hope my comments here are well taken.... IMHO, I *would* shorten this piece to get the most out of it. Sometimes, less is more.... I write a lot of very long poems myself, so I know how hard it is to edit them but when I take the time to do it, it *always* helps.

Keep writing and posting! Oh, and smile . Life *can* be fun.
wayoutwalt
Member Ascendant
since 06-22-99
Posts 5106
TEXAS (it's all big)


4 posted 06-24-99 10:28 AM       View Profile for wayoutwalt   Email wayoutwalt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wayoutwalt

Thank you for the response on my poem. I never had any love for it and yes I know tis bit long. I've tried shortening it and I'll try even harder now that I know someone likes it. Christina actually this poem was a lotta lil poems and they were so closely knit I made em one and unfortunately for my rhyming line after line is not so much a struggle for me as coming up with good rarely rhymed words. Thank you so much for the input!!

[This message has been edited by wayoutwalt (edited 06-24-99).]
Tom Thumb
New Member
since 07-01-99
Posts 1
fort worth Tx


5 posted 07-01-99 12:14 AM       View Profile for Tom Thumb   Email Tom Thumb   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Tom Thumb

this is a wonderful poem!!!! He has a talent and should persue it! He is an exelent writer.

[This message has been edited by Tom Thumb (edited 07-01-99).]
Dragon
Member
since 07-14-99
Posts 139
Highmount,NY ,USA


6 posted 07-17-99 01:06 AM       View Profile for Dragon   Email Dragon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dragon

This is the most beautiful I have ever read.More Please!!!!
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


7 posted 07-17-99 01:10 AM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

Walt, this is becoming a habit, you ROCKED again.

------------------
Being paranoid is the biggest reason I'm still around to practice my paranoia.
DreamEvil©

Gentle Soul
Member
since 07-12-99
Posts 274
Vinton,Ohio USA


8 posted 07-17-99 01:40 AM       View Profile for Gentle Soul   Email Gentle Soul   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gentle Soul

I love it walt! it may be long.. but it has depth.. and I like it! and I write long things too! I just wish I could get mine to rhyme! once again.. great poem!

------------------
Gėnt£ė¤§°ū£

 
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