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Passions in Poetry

Asking For It

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Christina Myers
Member
since 06-21-99
Posts 169


0 posted 06-23-99 11:04 PM       View Profile for Christina Myers   Email Christina Myers   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Christina Myers's Home Page   View IP for Christina Myers

"Was she asking for it?
Was she asking nice?
She was asking for it...
Did she ask you twice?"


She lives with the pain
and never acknowledges the shame
itís better this way , she thinks
somewhere in the back of her mind
somewhere in the back of herself
crippled by the truth
her deformity
shadows only her thoughts
and she moves normal
through the normal world
and returns to work;

she never loved it
she thinks to herself in bed
alone of course
because no man travels to damaged lands...
and her last thought
before she dreams
is the thought of him inside of her
him taking away her life
with each barbaric thrust;

And she begins to put on weight
to hide herself from others,
to hide herself from her
and she thinks that itís okay this way, really
and the pride she once felt for herself is gone
because she no longer cares
what men think,
in fact,
feels safer thinking
that they donít think of her
at all anymore....
she keeps herself warm at night
and holds her own body,
wrapped into a ball
holding onto the ache herself


So she lives each life, each day
by herself
forgetting what it feels like
to be alive
forgetting what it feels like
to be loved
because somewhere inside of her is the truth;
that maybe if she hadnít been so nice to begin with
it never
would have happened

So she tries to make herself as plain as possible-
thinking that this is the answer
that this will keep them away
but she still feels their eyes on her
as she walks the street,
wandering over her body
claiming ownership
with only a look;

And the disgust she feels for herself
grows so wide
that she cannot stand to even go outside anymore-
or look at herself in the mirror.
Afraid to look herself in the eye,
and she can no longer bear the anguish
and so she feels,
she can no longer live...

Her life was stolen
and the beauty of it was taken away,
replaced with an ugliness
that was too harsh for her to carry....
and she has no regrets now....
She has no regrets-
except for the one about letting him in,
except for the one about trust.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christina Myers/1999

opening quote courtsey of Hole

© Copyright 1999 Christina Myers - All Rights Reserved
Poet deVine
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Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 06-23-99 11:16 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I am not going to say anything trite.

A reply to this poem is almost beyond me. It was a spectacular way to emphasize what happens to a woman when she is raped. Powerful! Very powerful......
Christina Myers
Member
since 06-21-99
Posts 169


2 posted 06-24-99 08:24 AM       View Profile for Christina Myers   Email Christina Myers   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Christina Myers's Home Page   View IP for Christina Myers

Thank you, Poet. I would of thought this piece would of generated more of a response, but obviously not. I give up as far as that department goes.
This poem took a long time to write- years in fact and maybe I finally finished it when my state of mind was in the right place.

Again, thank you.

Christina

------------------
"These poems, they are things that I do
in the dark, reaching for you...whoever you are
and are you ready?"
June Jordan
Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 05-19-99
Posts 9708
Michigan, US


3 posted 06-24-99 09:15 AM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

Christina, I think this is a beautifully crafted poem. And that's an understatement if anything. But I withheld comment on it the first few times I read it simply because its theme is one I can not pretend to comprehend.

I can tell you that your words are beautiful and well chosen, and that the emotions you evoke are powerful. Beyond that, I'm at a complete loss. I don't understand, except on an intellectual level, how a human being can rape another human being. I doubt I ever will. But I also can not understand how a victim of a crime can be blamed for being a victim - either by society or by themselves. I know, again intellectually, that it happens. But I don't understand it.

Your message lies beyond anything I know, Christina. Maybe beyond anything I can ever know. But it did make me think. And question. And perhaps in the end, that's the highest compliment I can offer...

Ron
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
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Hurricane Alley


4 posted 06-24-99 09:48 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I wouldn't take lack of responses as any indication of the quality. Some people shy away from 'real' topics as they don't know how to respond to someone's 'real' pain. Some people are uncomfortable with a subject and therefore, don't feel comfortable responding.

I applaud you for this work. It's hard (as you say it took years to write) to put these thoughts into poetic form and much harder still to post it for the world to see. I admire your bravery!

chris
Junior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 33
rowlett, texas, usa


5 posted 06-24-99 10:07 AM       View Profile for chris   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chris

thank you for showing me how strong my wife is
Lucie
Senior Member
since 06-20-99
Posts 1123
Houston


6 posted 06-24-99 01:14 PM       View Profile for Lucie   Email Lucie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lucie

Christina, from someone who has lived the poem you write. I applaud you. I could never find words to express the emotions you have captured here. Although we often think we are the only women to have these feelings that isn't true. With tear in eye I embrace you... a victim also.
Sally S.
Senior Member
since 06-07-99
Posts 887
Ohio


7 posted 06-24-99 01:23 PM       View Profile for Sally S.   Email Sally S.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sally S.

As Ron and Poet deVine have stated, it is very hard to respond to such a powerful theme. What words could I possibly use? I admire your strength. You've shown great courage sharing this work with us. More than that...sharing your pain. I'm sure that when you finished this piece, it must have felt very therapeutic. Though, I imagine it took a great deal more than this.
Nan
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Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


8 posted 06-24-99 01:49 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Hello Christina.....
Thanks for the impetus to get everyone off their quills....
Now - Here's a perfect example of my point. This poem tried to escape me - until someone commented on it and brought it back into the limelight... It's truly wonderful - It expresses real, intrinsic feelings and the internal trauma of the emotional strife such a horrific experience can effect. Your free verse is welcome here - how else could you write a poem of this vintage?
Nancy Ness

#5 PS
Junior Member
since 06-21-99
Posts 19
Ogden, Utah, USA


9 posted 06-24-99 03:56 PM       View Profile for #5 PS   Email #5 PS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for #5 PS

I agree with the other posts on this one, lots of people shy away from something that is a real problem, i cannot begin to understand what one is thinking when an atrosity such as this occurs, and it absolutely sickens me to think that this happens on a daily basis...
this took lots of courage i can tell,...a very good choice of words...you can just feel the anguish and mental, emotional, and spiritual (and possibly physical) destruction peeking through. I wouldn't by any means take the number of responses to equal quality, i'm sure many have read this and chose not to reply because of one reason or another.



------------------
#5 Poetic Society
Krystal
Member
since 06-19-99
Posts 145
Shelton,WA USA


10 posted 06-24-99 05:08 PM       View Profile for Krystal   Email Krystal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Krystal

Christina,
I can relate. This poem is beautifully done, and that is an understatement! Isn't it interesting, (and sad) how society views a woman's "niceness" as an invitation to brutality? It seems to be society's mission to place the blame where it doesn't belong..
on the victim's shoulders. I commend you for such a thought-provoking and beautifully written poem.

PS: I am with everyone else about the (former) lack of responses, for some reason or another, I never came across this poem until now! Now that I have, I surely would never have wanted to miss it! :-)

------------------
Shannon D. Montgomery
("Krystal")
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


11 posted 06-24-99 05:32 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

It took me over 20 years to write about this same subject... after it happened to me. If it wasn't for my rediscovery of my love of writing and the wonderful people I have met online, I don't think I would have ever written about it. Still, it was one of the most difficult things I ever had to write. It helped... but only a little. There was sooooo much I left out.

I admire you for sharing this. I think you did a terrific job with relaying the many debilitating emotions which come into play in the life of the woman raped.

Your words are represent the voice of many.

I'll look for mine and post it, too. Thanks again.
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


12 posted 06-24-99 06:04 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Christina ...I was, unfortunately, not around yet when you must have posted this poem the first time. I would surely have remembered it. The courage it took to write it I can only imagine. As Ron stated, it is extremely difficult for a man to comprehend the depth of the feelings and trauma a woman endures by this despicable act. That's too bad because if men could be made to feel the same way perhaps it wouldn't happen so often. But, through your words, I am able to see more clearly into the mind of the victim and the life long pain and suffering they go through. Your detailed steps of what happens afterward are both vivid, sad and incredibly real. As hard as one tries, we can never make another person feel as strongly as we wish them to about our experiences. All we can do is try. In my case, and I'm sure in the case of many others here, you have succeeded admirably. Thank you for being.
Christina Myers
Member
since 06-21-99
Posts 169


13 posted 06-24-99 07:59 PM       View Profile for Christina Myers   Email Christina Myers   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Christina Myers's Home Page   View IP for Christina Myers

Thank you to everyone. Very kind words and a few brave ones as well. The ones who commented that they had been through it- I salut you- because you do not wrap up your truths in poetry as I have done. Yes, this poem took a long time to finish- mainly becaue I could never get the ending right. I needed distance from the issue and subject at hand. When that still didn't finish it I dug back down and found what the basic emotion of such a betrayal would be- and it all (as always) came down to trust. Whether a victim of rape,incest, domestic violence (ad nauseum- there are so many ills in this world)the issue of trust and the slaughtering betrayal of that feeling is the one I think that hurts the most. And it is the hardest one to overcome.

But you take things day by day. And pretty soon its month by month..then year by year... time may not heal it all but it does help.

Again, thank you for your thoughtful comments. Every time I get scared of showing it to someone I'll remember this feeling.

-Christina
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


14 posted 06-24-99 09:43 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

I finally found mine, Christina. So, instead of starting an entirely new topic to hear the others resound what they spoke to you, I thought it more appropriate to just post it here as a response to yours.... so you can see you are not alone and maybe also just as part of my own healing.

I entitled this "A Time Without a Name"

There's a time I won't revisit--
a time without a name.
A time which haunts
as ghosts untamed
where the memory
is your face looming
above, eyes violating --
my space intruding
with a violent push
and push and push
and no and no
let me go, I screamed to
empty air
as you spit,
"Shut up!" and dared
to rip my self esteem
into shreds
on a bed of nails,
forever diminishing
my capacity
to give myself
in love --
your face above me
like a devil possessed
possessing me.
When faced with the past,
when faced with your face,
I'm thrown into the absence of time--
my mind jumping back twenty-two
years to the place
where no one could hear me
when I screamed,
"Get off!" --
your maniacal eyes
piercing through mine
as your body sweat stuck
to me
your sword piercing through
and I yelled, "Get off!"
at the top of my lungs
to empty walls
without ears.


------------------
© doreen peri-- 1999

Nimrod the Hunter
Member
since 06-10-99
Posts 63


15 posted 06-25-99 12:10 AM       View Profile for Nimrod the Hunter   Email Nimrod the Hunter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nimrod the Hunter

Very powerful poem, Doreen and Christina, I am very afraid to respond. Usually I am not afraid to respond to anything, but this has me very afraid because I cannot comprehend ... all I can say is, why? It's terrible and sad this had to happen to you, and I am very angry with those who did it to you. I do not understand how people can be inhumane in such ways. That's all I am willing to say. But, very powerful and well done.
Augchic711
Member
since 06-17-99
Posts 81
O'Fallon, IL, USA


16 posted 06-25-99 12:51 AM       View Profile for Augchic711   Email Augchic711   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Augchic711

Christina~
My only words as of right now would definitely be "Thank you". An odd response many may think but for me it opened my eyes. I went through a similar experience except mine was molestation at the age of 3. It took 3 years of nightmares and dirty feelings for me to tell my mother that I had such memories. Continually doubting myself to see if it was something that my childish mind had made up but it turns out it wasn't. It was a sick teenage boy that lived next-door who had done this many times. And I had and still manage to have the same feelings that you describe so vividly to me. It seems as if I wanted to keep myself distant from "Rape" as if I was different because I was so young and maybe it that it wasn't the same. But reading your poem made me realize that I was raped in a way because I was forced to grow up with the inadequate feelings that now that I date and have boyfriends that they will do the same thing and so i was raped of my security. I have run into soooo many problems although I was young he screwed up my life beyond how he could possibly understand. I apologize for this man's terrible actions and I apologize for the trouble he has caused you but mainly my purpose in telling you my story is to let you know you are never alone and your writing this poem has helped sooooooo many people. That is why my only reponse is "Thank You!"

*******Augchic711*******
(Age 16) Thank you again Christina it's nice to know that I'm not alone!
Christina Myers
Member
since 06-21-99
Posts 169


17 posted 06-25-99 07:36 PM       View Profile for Christina Myers   Email Christina Myers   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Christina Myers's Home Page   View IP for Christina Myers

Doreen- bravo. a hundred roses. A hug. All of these things I offer to you- thank you for sharing your story. Never let yourself doubt it- you are a strong and amazing woman.

And Augchic711- you're so young! My heart breaks in a million different places for you- I know you know this- but I send your sentiment back to you- you are never alone either!

Thanks (again) to the kind words and strength and sensitivity. What a special group we have.

-Christina
 
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