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Asking For It
| Open Poetry #1 |
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Asking For It |
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Christina Myers Member
since 1999-06-21
Posts 159 |
"Was she asking for it? Was she asking nice? She was asking for it... Did she ask you twice?" She lives with the pain and never acknowledges the shame it’s better this way , she thinks somewhere in the back of her mind somewhere in the back of herself crippled by the truth her deformity shadows only her thoughts and she moves normal through the normal world and returns to work; she never loved it she thinks to herself in bed alone of course because no man travels to damaged lands... and her last thought before she dreams is the thought of him inside of her him taking away her life with each barbaric thrust; And she begins to put on weight to hide herself from others, to hide herself from her and she thinks that it’s okay this way, really and the pride she once felt for herself is gone because she no longer cares what men think, in fact, feels safer thinking that they don’t think of her at all anymore.... she keeps herself warm at night and holds her own body, wrapped into a ball holding onto the ache herself So she lives each life, each day by herself forgetting what it feels like to be alive forgetting what it feels like to be loved because somewhere inside of her is the truth; that maybe if she hadn’t been so nice to begin with it never would have happened So she tries to make herself as plain as possible- thinking that this is the answer that this will keep them away but she still feels their eyes on her as she walks the street, wandering over her body claiming ownership with only a look; And the disgust she feels for herself grows so wide that she cannot stand to even go outside anymore- or look at herself in the mirror. Afraid to look herself in the eye, and she can no longer bear the anguish and so she feels, she can no longer live... Her life was stolen and the beauty of it was taken away, replaced with an ugliness that was too harsh for her to carry.... and she has no regrets now.... She has no regrets- except for the one about letting him in, except for the one about trust. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Christina Myers/1999 opening quote courtsey of Hole |
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| © Copyright 1999 Christina Myers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I am not going to say anything trite. A reply to this poem is almost beyond me. It was a spectacular way to emphasize what happens to a woman when she is raped. Powerful! Very powerful...... |
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Christina Myers Member
since 1999-06-21
Posts 159 |
Thank you, Poet. I would of thought this piece would of generated more of a response, but obviously not. I give up as far as that department goes. This poem took a long time to write- years in fact and maybe I finally finished it when my state of mind was in the right place. Again, thank you. Christina ------------------ "These poems, they are things that I do in the dark, reaching for you...whoever you are and are you ready?" June Jordan |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
Christina, I think this is a beautifully crafted poem. And that's an understatement if anything. But I withheld comment on it the first few times I read it simply because its theme is one I can not pretend to comprehend. I can tell you that your words are beautiful and well chosen, and that the emotions you evoke are powerful. Beyond that, I'm at a complete loss. I don't understand, except on an intellectual level, how a human being can rape another human being. I doubt I ever will. But I also can not understand how a victim of a crime can be blamed for being a victim - either by society or by themselves. I know, again intellectually, that it happens. But I don't understand it. Your message lies beyond anything I know, Christina. Maybe beyond anything I can ever know. But it did make me think. And question. And perhaps in the end, that's the highest compliment I can offer... Ron |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I wouldn't take lack of responses as any indication of the quality. Some people shy away from 'real' topics as they don't know how to respond to someone's 'real' pain. Some people are uncomfortable with a subject and therefore, don't feel comfortable responding. I applaud you for this work. It's hard (as you say it took years to write) to put these thoughts into poetic form and much harder still to post it for the world to see. I admire your bravery! |
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chris Junior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 29rowlett, texas, usa |
thank you for showing me how strong my wife is |
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Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston |
Christina, from someone who has lived the poem you write. I applaud you. I could never find words to express the emotions you have captured here. Although we often think we are the only women to have these feelings that isn't true. With tear in eye I embrace you... a victim also. |
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Sally S. Senior Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 847Ohio |
As Ron and Poet deVine have stated, it is very hard to respond to such a powerful theme. What words could I possibly use? I admire your strength. You've shown great courage sharing this work with us. More than that...sharing your pain. I'm sure that when you finished this piece, it must have felt very therapeutic. Though, I imagine it took a great deal more than this. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Hello Christina..... Thanks for the impetus to get everyone off their quills.... Now - Here's a perfect example of my point. This poem tried to escape me - until someone commented on it and brought it back into the limelight... It's truly wonderful - It expresses real, intrinsic feelings and the internal trauma of the emotional strife such a horrific experience can effect. Your free verse is welcome here - how else could you write a poem of this vintage?  Nancy Ness |
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#5 PS Junior Member
since 1999-06-21
Posts 19Ogden, Utah, USA |
I agree with the other posts on this one, lots of people shy away from something that is a real problem, i cannot begin to understand what one is thinking when an atrosity such as this occurs, and it absolutely sickens me to think that this happens on a daily basis... this took lots of courage i can tell,...a very good choice of words...you can just feel the anguish and mental, emotional, and spiritual (and possibly physical) destruction peeking through. I wouldn't by any means take the number of responses to equal quality, i'm sure many have read this and chose not to reply because of one reason or another. ------------------ #5 Poetic Society |
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Krystal Member
since 1999-06-19
Posts 140Shelton,WA USA |
Christina, I can relate. This poem is beautifully done, and that is an understatement! Isn't it interesting, (and sad) how society views a woman's "niceness" as an invitation to brutality? It seems to be society's mission to place the blame where it doesn't belong.. on the victim's shoulders. I commend you for such a thought-provoking and beautifully written poem. PS: I am with everyone else about the (former) lack of responses, for some reason or another, I never came across this poem until now! Now that I have, I surely would never have wanted to miss it! :-) ------------------ Shannon D. Montgomery ("Krystal") |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
It took me over 20 years to write about this same subject... after it happened to me. If it wasn't for my rediscovery of my love of writing and the wonderful people I have met online, I don't think I would have ever written about it. Still, it was one of the most difficult things I ever had to write. It helped... but only a little. There was sooooo much I left out. I admire you for sharing this. I think you did a terrific job with relaying the many debilitating emotions which come into play in the life of the woman raped. Your words are represent the voice of many. I'll look for mine and post it, too. Thanks again.  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Christina ...I was, unfortunately, not around yet when you must have posted this poem the first time. I would surely have remembered it. The courage it took to write it I can only imagine. As Ron stated, it is extremely difficult for a man to comprehend the depth of the feelings and trauma a woman endures by this despicable act. That's too bad because if men could be made to feel the same way perhaps it wouldn't happen so often. But, through your words, I am able to see more clearly into the mind of the victim and the life long pain and suffering they go through. Your detailed steps of what happens afterward are both vivid, sad and incredibly real. As hard as one tries, we can never make another person feel as strongly as we wish them to about our experiences. All we can do is try. In my case, and I'm sure in the case of many others here, you have succeeded admirably. Thank you for being. |
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Christina Myers Member
since 1999-06-21
Posts 159 |
Thank you to everyone. Very kind words and a few brave ones as well. The ones who commented that they had been through it- I salut you- because you do not wrap up your truths in poetry as I have done. Yes, this poem took a long time to finish- mainly becaue I could never get the ending right. I needed distance from the issue and subject at hand. When that still didn't finish it I dug back down and found what the basic emotion of such a betrayal would be- and it all (as always) came down to trust. Whether a victim of rape,incest, domestic violence (ad nauseum- there are so many ills in this world)the issue of trust and the slaughtering betrayal of that feeling is the one I think that hurts the most. And it is the hardest one to overcome. But you take things day by day. And pretty soon its month by month..then year by year... time may not heal it all but it does help. Again, thank you for your thoughtful comments. Every time I get scared of showing it to someone I'll remember this feeling. -Christina |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
I finally found mine, Christina. So, instead of starting an entirely new topic to hear the others resound what they spoke to you, I thought it more appropriate to just post it here as a response to yours.... so you can see you are not alone and maybe also just as part of my own healing. I entitled this "A Time Without a Name" There's a time I won't revisit-- a time without a name. A time which haunts as ghosts untamed where the memory is your face looming above, eyes violating -- my space intruding with a violent push and push and push and no and no let me go, I screamed to empty air as you spit, "Shut up!" and dared to rip my self esteem into shreds on a bed of nails, forever diminishing my capacity to give myself in love -- your face above me like a devil possessed possessing me. When faced with the past, when faced with your face, I'm thrown into the absence of time-- my mind jumping back twenty-two years to the place where no one could hear me when I screamed, "Get off!" -- your maniacal eyes piercing through mine as your body sweat stuck to me your sword piercing through and I yelled, "Get off!" at the top of my lungs to empty walls without ears. ------------------ © doreen peri-- 1999 |
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Nimrod the Hunter Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 60 |
Very powerful poem, Doreen and Christina, I am very afraid to respond. Usually I am not afraid to respond to anything, but this has me very afraid because I cannot comprehend ... all I can say is, why? It's terrible and sad this had to happen to you, and I am very angry with those who did it to you. I do not understand how people can be inhumane in such ways. That's all I am willing to say. But, very powerful and well done. |
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Augchic711 Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 80O'Fallon, IL, USA |
Christina~ My only words as of right now would definitely be "Thank you". An odd response many may think but for me it opened my eyes. I went through a similar experience except mine was molestation at the age of 3. It took 3 years of nightmares and dirty feelings for me to tell my mother that I had such memories. Continually doubting myself to see if it was something that my childish mind had made up but it turns out it wasn't. It was a sick teenage boy that lived next-door who had done this many times. And I had and still manage to have the same feelings that you describe so vividly to me. It seems as if I wanted to keep myself distant from "Rape" as if I was different because I was so young and maybe it that it wasn't the same. But reading your poem made me realize that I was raped in a way because I was forced to grow up with the inadequate feelings that now that I date and have boyfriends that they will do the same thing and so i was raped of my security. I have run into soooo many problems although I was young he screwed up my life beyond how he could possibly understand. I apologize for this man's terrible actions and I apologize for the trouble he has caused you but mainly my purpose in telling you my story is to let you know you are never alone and your writing this poem has helped sooooooo many people. That is why my only reponse is "Thank You!" *******Augchic711******* (Age 16) Thank you again Christina it's nice to know that I'm not alone! |
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Christina Myers Member
since 1999-06-21
Posts 159 |
Doreen- bravo. a hundred roses. A hug. All of these things I offer to you- thank you for sharing your story. Never let yourself doubt it- you are a strong and amazing woman. And Augchic711- you're so young! My heart breaks in a million different places for you- I know you know this- but I send your sentiment back to you- you are never alone either! Thanks (again) to the kind words and strength and sensitivity. What a special group we have. -Christina |
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