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#5 PS
Junior Member
since 06-21-99
Posts 19
Ogden, Utah, USA

0 posted 06-23-99 01:21 PM       View Profile for #5 PS   Email #5 PS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for #5 PS

Feeling fine all the time
Iíve got yours and Iíve got mine
I have played my last game
In a pool of drowning shame
I seek my corner by myself
I want the loneliness and no one else
So tired of this
So tired of that
I wish I was gone, hit and flat
Stars surround the emptiness to be
I wish I was a star that no one could see
A star that burned only by force
To make me face my dark remorse
Shooting, floating, all go away
Iím back Iím gone, Iím here to stay
Stay with me my child of happy times
Long for the journey that my soul calls mine
Look to the big, round, blue ball of disgust
Look behind me to see a cloud of dust
Floating falling so silently
Floating falling to swallow me
Speed up slow down I donít understand
How can I swim and never reach land
The pressure is on from outside to in
With all this pressure I cannot win
I could overcome if I really did try
But in the process my sanity will die
Call me call me again and again
Call me to tell me that you will win
I pick up the hook and the voices do haunt
Screaming laughing theyíre here to taunt
Just go away it will be alright
Do the deed and lay down for the night
Float away like the star you are
When they come looking youíll be too far
Too far to recover from the death grip fear
Too far away for them to hear
Your pleading and wanting to be like them
Your anger insanity from guilt does stem
My mind raced and I ran away
Please forgive me for the things I say
I know not what comes out
I hear things I say and just want to shout
At the top of my lungs to clean it through
In my hateful time of being blue
Liquid of life is causing my death
Electrical current to take away the breath
Another attempt at sanity
Shut your mouth and bleed silently
Donít let them hear you be so true
You know theyíll only laugh at you
Sink down, blurriness up above
Rotted myself over a dying love
Destroy the world for all its worth
Every inch of planet earth
Plain and simple that says it all
No life from you, humanity did fall
You give it up before you start
You stand on stage with no part
She yells and yells to get thru to me
I gave you everything, canít you see?
I ask nothing in return but time to myself
She took me for granted and put me on the shelf
The shelf of hurting freaks that pollute this place
110% given but thrown in my face
I was a child whom I barely new
A child who is strong and true
Not knowing what is to be
Blindfolded and gagged you cannot see
Live your life foolishly dumb
Say your hurtful things, I am numb
Understand, think, and just press on
My ugliness from hurt did not spawn
It came from my true inner self that I did see
It came from people pissing on me
It came from disgust with what I hate
It was my true black soul with no open gate
Lies you hear and you believe
I turn my back so you cant see
What I am all this time
Is a broken down fool without a dime
Please move on and forget the worst
Find someone better to quench your thirst
Your mom and dad to stand by your side
On top of the world in your moment of pride
Life for you, good as it is
Make dreams come true so he has his
Confident in your upstanding way
Confident that you were happy that day
That day I turned and left the world behind
You went about your business with a clear mind
Fret not care not, you are who you are
I cannot turn back after coming this far
Set aside my pain for a little while
Type type type let the letters pile
I show my pain you do not care
I guess I deserve it for my evil stare
I spit and kicked I got my way
I lived life just to get my pay
Why do I do this, I do not know
I guess it was just me, it was not a show
Sorry bout that, sorry bout this
My life with you I will dearly miss
Here I go again stuck in between
The things I said were extremely mean
Afraid to go on afraid to go back
I am tortured by a world that is deathly black
Dream of times when life was good
I wish to treat you better I know I should
You canít see my point, try if you could
Life to end surround me with wood
Lower the vault of eternal sleep
I can only pray for you to keep
A place in your heart that is so sincere
A place in your heart without a fear
A fear of me coming back
A fear of me trying to attack
Your mind that was so strong
Your mind that really pushed you along
I wonít do it, I am not there
You can move on without a care
No worries for you
No worries for me
My life in the dirt
In the distance I see
God its done I wonít turn back
Push me down into that crack
Of unforgiving life alone
Rot away and turn to stone
I might be back who really knows?
My true self reluctantly shows
Throw your flowers pile them on
Cry your tears now Iím gone
Why didnít you cry while I was here?
You turned and walked without a tear
Made me feel so small at best
My problems unwanted like the rest
Its ok you have it great
My last ditch effort was too late
WHEN I come back I know what to do
I will show you that its true
That I was a person full of love
I was a person up above
The depths of sorrow that Iím in now
Iíll try to come back, if you allow
Iíll think things thru before I say
Iíll make your problems go away
Aerial view of your life to be
An awesome view I will see
As far ahead
Or as far back
Or close my eyes and see only black
Its my choice now, Iím in control
Back and fourth as if in a bowl
A place to me I wont forget
Take my hand so I donít sit
Walk with me until I sigh
Goodbye all its time to die

~This is about suicide and the rude awakening in my life~

#5 Poetic Society
© Copyright 1999 #5 PS - All Rights Reserved
since 06-19-99
Posts 145
Shelton,WA USA

1 posted 06-23-99 06:35 PM       View Profile for Krystal   Email Krystal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Krystal

So sad... I love the courage that you have to face issues such as this one.

Shannon D. Montgomery
#5 PS
Junior Member
since 06-21-99
Posts 19
Ogden, Utah, USA

2 posted 06-24-99 09:43 AM       View Profile for #5 PS   Email #5 PS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for #5 PS

Krystal, Thank you so much for the reply, this one is hard to follow because of its length and is sort of repetitive, but serves its purpose, and thats to release those emotions! (any luck with the JPG yet?
#5 PS will be notified of replies
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