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#5 PS
Junior Member
since 06-21-99
Posts 19
Ogden, Utah, USA

0 posted 06-22-99 09:48 AM       View Profile for #5 PS   Email #5 PS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for #5 PS

Please bear with me on this one, its kinda long, i would love to know what you think!


A specific thought I thought
About all the times I canít remember
Myself I know Iím not

My change in life for the past 2 years
It doesnít seem to stop
My sad story of how it was
My interest I suddenly drop

Confused you are as you read
About the confusion itself
Is just the way its intended to be
Its he and she and myself

No one really knows
About the truth thatís in their heart
They try and find some unforeseen answer
And finish before they start

They jump to conclusions and lose hope
Alone Iíll always be
Living a life with no direction
For all eternity

But this isnít about the solitary ways
Of life thatís the pain in your side
Its about the trust and disgust, the unforgiving lust
Of all the ones that have lied

To your face and behind your back
Intentions and innocence
Numbing your skin with blinding hate
Let the destruction commence

Draw you in and make you believe
Youíre all Iíll ever need
But insert that knife into your back
And forever watch you bleed

Kick and scream throw your fit
And get what you deserve
Show yourself to the door
My thoughts I choose to reserve

For another time and another place
At which Iíll let it out
Iíll reverse the role, the young and the old
And hurt you without a doubt

Now as you can see, the trapped and the free
I do this for your own good
Iím trying to keep the distance in tact
And leave you like I know I should

Because of the time I shed my tears
For you so you would stay
I reluctantly turn my back
Before you have to pay

But is it too late? Lock the gate?
For damaging time to cease?
Is it too late to show Iím not great?
And let you live in peace?

And can you forgive me through all the hate
Iíve brought out in you?
Or will you just turn your back
Trying to start out new?

As I would guess its for the best
To hate me like the rest
That screwed you over, over and over
And made your life a mess

But Iím sorry, I know not what Iíve done
To a person with so much love
That cared about me with so much thought
And that held me up above

Above everyone else at her side
I was looking down
At all the people who willingly took me
But now I start to frown

Because Iím confused, destroyed and reused
To surface once again
The decision I made, I can never trade
Nor can I begin to begin

Begin to explain what I feel
Being pulled 2 ways at once
Being kicked in the head wishing I was dead
And portraying the almighty dunce

I donít know the rap and the flow
Confusion, my best friend
Keeps me chasing my invisible tail
Until the bitter end

Coming to terms with my true self
The one that makes no sense
The one that keeps all away
Because of my unbreakable fence

Now you must know, that what I speak
Is that I donít understand
Why I get involved with anyone
Aimlessly I wander the land

I canít seem to find something thatís gone
An explanation that goes unsaid
Youíre just as confused as I am too
Iím living among the dead

I guess it boils down to
I donít fit in, I Guess I never will
Its just something I have to live with
Swallow the bitter pill

The hurt you feel, equals my hate
Of myself Iím sorry for what Iíve done
Which is become an uncontrollable freak
That tried to overpower the sun

And get my way, everyday
As I crush all that get too close
What you donít see luckily for me
Is my hurting overdose

I cannot help, I do not think
The outcome I do not care
Of what is and never was
Between us memory blinding glare

Its been said and now its done
In my head as it is in the book
I never really cared to give
I only ever took

Now the pay, for which I cash
The check I cannot write
Makes me a loser in an emotional bind
And lonely everynightÖ

#5 Poetic Society
© Copyright 1999 #5 PS - All Rights Reserved
since 06-19-99
Posts 145
Shelton,WA USA

1 posted 06-23-99 02:51 AM       View Profile for Krystal   Email Krystal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Krystal

It's good that you have the courage to write so honestly and from the heart! I really liked the ending, very well-written!

Shannon D. Montgomery
#5 PS will be notified of replies
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