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Passions in Poetry

Hate Ravens - Villanelle Challenge by MOI

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Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


0 posted 09-28-1999 10:42 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Poet deVine

Hate Ravens claw in eager delight
Seeking to rend a gash in my soul
As the pain sears my heart tonight

Love has bid me a rash goodnight
My soul tattered and unwhole
Hate Ravens claw in eager delight

Lovers betrayal makes a target in site
Crying I stand amidst a shattered shoal
As the pain sears my heart tonight

A jealous word, spate in anger respite
As wounded and raw it takes itís toll
Hate Ravens claw in eager delight

Coldness reigns where love did plight
Turning away from my past is the goal
As the pain sears my heart tonight

Alone I face the dark midnight
Tears darken my angry soul
Hate Ravens claw in eager delight
As the pain sears my heart tonight

******

NOTE: After Balladeer pointed out the errors, I went back and rewrote this.. I think it may be ok...let me know!! Thanks.

[This message has been edited by Poet deVine (edited 09-28-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


1 posted 09-28-1999 10:49 PM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

Lady deVine,
I've been waiting for your installment in this challenge and indeed it is well worth the wait. Well done indeed.

------------------
Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvil©

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


2 posted 09-28-1999 10:56 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

So this is Villanelle. A very interesting form..very challenging! Well done.
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


3 posted 09-28-1999 11:00 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Good attempt, DeVine one, but not quite there. All middle lines must rhyme, all 1st and 3rd lines must rhyme, and the final stanza consists of 4 lines with a rhyme scheme of a-b-a-a. I applaud your effort.
Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


4 posted 09-28-1999 11:01 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Yes, very well done! I enjoyed this one PdV!

------------------
Denise
Christopher
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Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


5 posted 09-29-1999 02:49 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

Well I didn;t see the original, but this one is well done...much "deeper" (LOL to Brad) and definitely darker than is normal for you!
I LIKE!

[This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 09-29-1999).]
Seymour Tabin
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since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


6 posted 09-29-1999 09:45 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Poet deVine,
You are exceptional and one of a kind, but I have to agree with Balladeer. That does not lower the strength of the rhyme. It just makes you more dear. *L*
Iloveit
Senior Member
since 09-02-99
Posts 1168
NM


7 posted 09-29-1999 09:50 AM       View Profile for Iloveit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Iloveit

great job, I loved it, I had thought of trying the challenge, but as I am not good at rhyming, I think I will just stand back and applaud instead
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


8 posted 09-29-1999 09:57 AM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Well Devine one, it looks good to me! I know nothing of these kinds. I think you did a terrific job!
Michael
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Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


9 posted 09-29-1999 12:06 PM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

You never fail to impress and fascinate me Lady Devine. Wonderful job.


------------------
Michael Anderson

May Darkness find you all through the day.


Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


10 posted 09-29-1999 04:50 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Absolutely fantastic, DeVine one. Now THIS is a villanelle!!! Wonderful job.
Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1312
That place with padded walls a


11 posted 09-29-1999 05:34 PM       View Profile for Systematic Decay   Email Systematic Decay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Systematic Decay

Great poem......I loved the first line

------------------
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-
Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


12 posted 09-29-1999 08:01 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

So, that's a villanelle! Seem quite difficult. You did a wonderful job! Regardless the form!


------------------
Denise
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


13 posted 09-29-1999 08:24 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Very well done!

------------------
It is better to be silent and be considered a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
caroline
Senior Member
since 08-16-99
Posts 1251
http://members.xoom.com/bellad


14 posted 09-29-1999 08:42 PM       View Profile for caroline   Email caroline   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for caroline

Most excellent, Ms. deVine

------------------
The only man worth your tears will never make you cry...
Mystic Essence
Junior Member
since 09-29-1999
Posts 28


15 posted 09-29-1999 10:14 PM       View Profile for Mystic Essence   Email Mystic Essence   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mystic Essence

Wonderful, Ms. deVine! I greatly admire your work!

------------------
My tears are but a glimpse into the fiery tempest of my soul.~© Althea Willow, 1999~
 
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