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Hate Ravens - Villanelle Challenge by MOI
| Open Poetry #2 |
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Hate Ravens - Villanelle Challenge by MOI |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Hate Ravens claw in eager delight Seeking to rend a gash in my soul As the pain sears my heart tonight Love has bid me a rash goodnight My soul tattered and unwhole Hate Ravens claw in eager delight Lovers betrayal makes a target in site Crying I stand amidst a shattered shoal As the pain sears my heart tonight A jealous word, spate in anger respite As wounded and raw it takes it’s toll Hate Ravens claw in eager delight Coldness reigns where love did plight Turning away from my past is the goal As the pain sears my heart tonight Alone I face the dark midnight Tears darken my angry soul Hate Ravens claw in eager delight As the pain sears my heart tonight ****** NOTE: After Balladeer pointed out the errors, I went back and rewrote this.. I think it may be ok...let me know!! Thanks. [This message has been edited by Poet deVine (edited 09-28-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Lady deVine, I've been waiting for your installment in this challenge and indeed it is well worth the wait. Well done indeed. ------------------ Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
So this is Villanelle. A very interesting form..very challenging! Well done. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Good attempt, DeVine one, but not quite there. All middle lines must rhyme, all 1st and 3rd lines must rhyme, and the final stanza consists of 4 lines with a rhyme scheme of a-b-a-a. I applaud your effort. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Yes, very well done! I enjoyed this one PdV! ------------------ Denise |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well I didn;t see the original, but this one is well done...much "deeper" (LOL to Brad) and definitely darker than is normal for you! I LIKE! [This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 09-29-1999).] |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Poet deVine, You are exceptional and one of a kind, but I have to agree with Balladeer. That does not lower the strength of the rhyme. It just makes you more dear. *L* |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
great job, I loved it, I had thought of trying the challenge, but as I am not good at rhyming, I think I will just stand back and applaud instead  |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Well Devine one, it looks good to me! I know nothing of these kinds. I think you did a terrific job! |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
You never fail to impress and fascinate me Lady Devine. Wonderful job. ------------------ Michael Anderson May Darkness find you all through the day. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Absolutely fantastic, DeVine one. Now THIS is a villanelle!!! Wonderful job. |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Great poem......I loved the first line ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
So, that's a villanelle! Seem quite difficult. You did a wonderful job! Regardless the form! ------------------ Denise |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Very well done! ------------------ It is better to be silent and be considered a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
Most excellent, Ms. deVine ------------------ The only man worth your tears will never make you cry... |
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Mystic Essence Junior Member
since 1999-09-29
Posts 28 |
Wonderful, Ms. deVine! I greatly admire your work!  ------------------ My tears are but a glimpse into the fiery tempest of my soul.~© Althea Willow, 1999~ |
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