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Passions in Poetry

Salvation (Villanelle challenge by Poet deVine)

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Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1312
That place with padded walls a


0 posted 09-28-1999 10:07 PM       View Profile for Systematic Decay   Email Systematic Decay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Systematic Decay

Don't judge me too harshly on this one, its the first Villanelle I've ever written. Thanks.

I had nothing in the way of expectations
All my hopes had been slain
I was drowning in apathy and isolation

Then I met you, so full of aspirations
Your touch was soft as rain
But our friendship was full of complications

My heart, tumoltuous with love and desperation
I fell so madly for you I was going insane
I soared without drugs to high elevations

Or love found root in a fickle foundation
I tried to deny it, only in vain
Now I've finally accepted this great elation

You throw before me no allegations
No one can derail this fated train
To me, your as necessary as respiration

You've given rebirth to my expectations
Your kiss is tender as misting rain
Our love rooted in ever-stronger foundation
You are my hope, my only salvation

© Copyright 1999 Systematic Decay - All Rights Reserved
Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 09-28-1999 10:23 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

I think this is fantastic, SD. Very beautiful!

------------------
Denise
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


2 posted 09-28-1999 10:28 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

SD, it is a beautiful poem....but not a villanelle. Please recheck the format.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


3 posted 09-28-1999 10:31 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Systematic decay,
A very nice poem but it is not a Villanelle.
Take a look at DreamEvils or even my humble try or you can get the form from the dictionary. Once again a very nice poem.
Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1312
That place with padded walls a


4 posted 09-28-1999 10:34 PM       View Profile for Systematic Decay   Email Systematic Decay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Systematic Decay

Oh? I looked at a website and this was the form it had.

oops


------------------
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-
Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1312
That place with padded walls a


5 posted 09-28-1999 10:38 PM       View Profile for Systematic Decay   Email Systematic Decay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Systematic Decay

I cant seem to get that site back, and have no dictionary...if any of you would be willing to email me with the proper form it would be greatly appreciated.....

------------------
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


6 posted 09-28-1999 10:40 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

D.Cay....excellent poem....It's hard to do! I thought writing poetry was easy til I had to do this form stuff!! LOL
Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1312
That place with padded walls a


7 posted 09-28-1999 10:45 PM       View Profile for Systematic Decay   Email Systematic Decay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Systematic Decay

Poet, thanks, I like the way you abbrevited my name....D.cay....I like that.

To clear things up, did I do the villanelle form correctly or not?

------------------
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


8 posted 09-28-1999 10:58 PM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

Format is not quite right.


"A villanelle is a poem of nineteen lines, five three-line stanzas followed by
one four- line stanza, usually in lines of either all tetrameter (4 beats) or all
pentameter (5 beats), with alternating end-rhymes patterned aba, aba, aba, aba, aba,
abaa, and with one other, vital twist. The first, then third line of the poem
actually alternate as the last line of stanzas 2, 3, and 4, and then end
stanza 5, and the poem itself, as a couplet."

Quote from the site I get some formats. I hope it helps.

------------------
Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvilŠ

Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1312
That place with padded walls a


9 posted 09-28-1999 11:03 PM       View Profile for Systematic Decay   Email Systematic Decay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Systematic Decay

Thank you Dream.....

I'll have to work on another one and post it when I actually get it right.

------------------
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-
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