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Passions in Poetry

Clouds - Challenge from Hawkwing

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Isis
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since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


0 posted 09-28-1999 06:51 PM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis


I lay on my back and watch the clouds in the Summer blue sky
They transform their visual being constantly
They can be studded like pebbles along a seashore
Or they can seem to explode like a nuclear mushroom.
Whispy and mystical, constantly altering
You could almost call them emotional
Their meanderings seeming to climax
Up in the heavens, their realm.
Unpredictable like the sea
Never two visions of sky shall be the same.
Their rhythm is peaceful like trees gently asway
Almost hypnotic these changelings
With little imagination to the naked eye
They form shapes, realities we know.
As I watch there is a commotion
Struggling, changing something is going to blow
Boiling, tumultous, billowy expanses
Climax is imminent.
Then suddenly this motion finally ceases
The turmoil has blown away
And once again the skies are clear.


PLEASE BE KIND IN YOUR CRITISM ME FIRST ATTEMPT AT FREE VERSE AND I DON'T LIKE IT!!

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A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)


© Copyright 1999 Isis - All Rights Reserved
Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 09-28-1999 08:40 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

I do! Very lovely, Isis!

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Denise
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


2 posted 09-28-1999 09:22 PM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

Well thanks Denise, I have no confidence in it, being my first time!!...:..

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A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)


Artur Hawkwing
Member
since 06-30-99
Posts 443
USA


3 posted 09-28-1999 10:17 PM       View Profile for Artur Hawkwing   Email Artur Hawkwing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Artur Hawkwing

Isis- This is a challenge well done.... now you can celebrate what you have done, a breakthrough of trying "free-verse".... I am pretty surprised that you have never tried free-verse before because free-verse is done with free thinking... and formatted (rhyming) poetry, which you have done, seems (to me) to take some thinking because you have to get the lines rhyming.. and if you didn't rhyme, then it'd turn out into free verse. I am impressed!

The last person I would agree with is you (of course!). I think this is a work of high quality and endeavor.

Congratulations!
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


4 posted 09-28-1999 10:36 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Isis this was really a deep thought! I like how it has a twist to the end. Very well done!

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Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


5 posted 09-28-1999 10:36 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Valiant effort, Isis. It is always good to expand one's knowledge of forms. I don't prefer free verse for my own poetry but, each time I attempt it, I realize how difficult it really is. You did well.
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


6 posted 09-28-1999 10:51 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

You did a great job with this form. The thoughts were clear and easy to follow. easy also to relate to....my children and myself enjoy watching the clouds as they roll by and change.
Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1312
That place with padded walls a


7 posted 09-28-1999 10:54 PM       View Profile for Systematic Decay   Email Systematic Decay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Systematic Decay

Good poem...free verse in my opinion is the easiest and most expressive form of poetry....I liked how you made a simple thing in anture seem so active and alive, even human.

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"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


8 posted 09-29-1999 12:42 AM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

Why thank you all, now I feel a bit better about it...

------------------
A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)


Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


9 posted 09-29-1999 12:44 AM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

Thanks Hawkwing again, and dare I say I may be ready for another challenge?

------------------
A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)


Soleil
Member
since 06-12-99
Posts 114


10 posted 09-29-1999 08:39 PM       View Profile for Soleil   Email Soleil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Soleil

Very, Very nice. I enjoyed reading this.
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


11 posted 09-29-1999 08:49 PM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

Thanks Soleil, I enjoyed doing it, even though it fazed me at first..

------------------
A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)


RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


12 posted 09-30-1999 12:34 AM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Isis: I thoroughly enjoyed it...so only compliments from here, no criticism...

HUGS

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You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


13 posted 09-30-1999 12:45 AM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

Thanks RainbowGirl I feel my horizons slowly broadening..

------------------
A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)


Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
14 posted 09-30-1999 01:40 AM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

dreamy Isis.....

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May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


15 posted 09-30-1999 03:25 AM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

Thanks Pepper my friend!!

------------------
A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)


Pufalove
Member
since 08-18-99
Posts 120
Houston, Tx. USA


16 posted 09-30-1999 03:31 AM       View Profile for Pufalove   Email Pufalove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pufalove

Very expressive, very nice. It took me right to the clouds.....very much like life.
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