Member Rara Avis
There is a lot to this poem.... the imagery wonderfully speaks aloud.... the following lines were particularly effective to me:
"and a single tear
to blend with the ink"
Nicely done, hoot... i know this forum is not meant for critiquing, but sometimes when I see a work that I think could be even better than it already is, i have to say something. From your comment at the beginning, i take it that this is an earlier work of yours and you haven't edited it for some time. I'd like to see you take the imagery you've developed and maybe eliminate some of the superflous words.... so that you aren't telling the reader but showing them more. (I hope it's ok that i'm giving you a suggestion here. I just think you could take this very good piece and make a GREAT piece out of it.)
here's an example of what i mean:
"I gaze down
upon bleeding paper,
dark and wet
blood pouring from my open wound
and try to ebb the flow
of words revealing me
ezch letter reopenning
my heart cut out by
your surgeon's scalpel"
Anyway, i don't know if *you* think this eliminating some of the words makes it more powerful, but to me, i'd like to see you take this a little further. You are a very talented poet .... and this already FINE piece, imho, could be absolute dynomite with a bit of tweaking and polishing.
Thanks for letting me express my opinion and again, i apologize if i overstepped my bounds in Open Poetry, being that this is not the Critical Anaysis forum.
Keep up the good work