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Passions in Poetry

before dawn rises..please tell me what you think

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loverbaby
Junior Member
since 09-07-99
Posts 15
Sioux City Iowa


0 posted 09-26-1999 10:55 PM       View Profile for loverbaby   Email loverbaby   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for loverbaby

i sit here now
at the edge of the bed.
before dawn rises
tring to be careful
so that you don't see me leave
you as just another memorie
because i fear that if i stay
i will see you at the edge of this bed
and i don't think that i could take it
so i sit here now putting on my left shoe
knowing that when you awaken
this bed will seem so much larger and colder
but i ma no the one that is suposed to keep it warm
please forgive me sweet soul but i must go now

------------------
Niki Frady
© Copyright 1999 loverbaby - All Rights Reserved
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


1 posted 09-26-1999 11:01 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

I am not a critic of form. I have enough trouble with it myself. The message is clear and it is sad that fear drives you away from the possibility of warmth, comfort and safety. The feeling was very clear here. It is sadness and fear.
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


2 posted 09-27-1999 12:42 AM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

The feelings i got were aloneness, sadness and fear. And the awful feeling you'd get for leaving. Is this what you wanted in a response? Hope it helped..

------------------
A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)


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