Member Rara Avis
I wasn't going to say anything, because my mom always told me if you can't say anything nice....
BUT, I had to.
SD, I think that over all this poem has some quality to it. I think the last lines of a few of the stanzas don't fit in length and are a little difficult to stumble over.
The last line in my opinion, seems to be there simply for shock effect. If this is what you were desiring, then you have indeed done so.
However, from a purely personal point of view, (one which requires me to allow everyone the freedom to speak their mind,) it feels to me like this is an attempt to spark some controversy over an otherwise placid poem. I feel as if you are some young punk, (not calling you a punk, describing the feeling,) who just wants to get attention and feels the best way to go about it is to scream "SUICIDE!"
If this is not true then I believe you either need to seek some help, or reconsider your choice of format when writing your poetry. If you want to speak of suicide, lead up to and don't glorify it by hiding it in the middle of a bunch of innocuous garbage. Because that is what the last stanza rendered this otherwise decent poem into, in my opinion.
And that's all this is, my HONEST opinion. Feel free to take umbrage at it, I don't care, just as you do not appear to care about the seriousness of "downgrading" a terrible subject which is an all too real fact of life. IMHO, glorification of suicide is never right. There is NO justification for it whatsoever. If I would have had any idea that this poem would be about this subject, and done in such a manner, I would never have read it. That I did is my own problem, and reading my response is yours.