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Passions in Poetry

Showdown at the Forbidden Fruit (I'm gunin' for ya Toe!)

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Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


0 posted 09-24-1999 08:04 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Andrew Scott

The town's main street stood empty, deserted and silent
Except for a dust devil the only excitement
The old clock on the wall chimed eleven forty-five
When the hour struck noon someone was slated to die

At one end of the street t'was a house of ill repute
Named by Madam Suthern "Ladies of Forbidden Fruit."
Its foremost customer was the outlaw Toerag
Not that this fine southern belle was Toerag's real bag

Toe's reason for staying was planted out back
The best pumpkins and orchards, that was a fact
While other patrons sought a lady's fine favor
Toe sought peaches of a different fruit flavor

Now an outlaw by trade that much was true
His last rustling job was Balladeer's ewe
So a bounty was place on Toerag's head
"Toerag: Dead or Alive!" Was what it read.

The old clock on the wall stated eleven fifty-five
When at the bar's end sat Andrew with a colt forty-five
Andrew came looking for Toe's bounty to collect
But first he had to save all the ladies from Toe's neglect

Now through out all of the town the truth had been spread
Of Andrew's superb prowess in a lady's bed
One and all, women offered him a slice of cream pie
And he ate every piece served by the side of their thigh

With the ladies all satisfied, Andrew sat at the bar
While Suthern and others pleaded that he not go too far
Much as Andrew would like, the hour would chime too soon
And he had a meeting with Toe at exactly high noon

Stepping boldly out into the dust strewn street
Andrew searched for Toe his nemesis to meet
When he could not be found, the building Andrew went round
Where Toe was schtumping something orange upon the ground

"Stand and deliver Toe! Your time has come due!
For molesting that fruit and rustling Deer's ewe."
Toe got up and with a slavish smile said:
"Andrew, you'll nay collect upon this here head!"

Andrew and Toe viewed each other with dark intent
Squinty eyes - tobacco spit, with their head slightly bent
Hands towards holsters with itchy trigger fingers
Beads of sweat to show where the fear lingers

Andrew knew that Toe was the quicker draw
But no one else could see what Andrew saw
In a flash of lightning Toe went for his gun
While Andrew just stood there awaiting the fun

For as his side arm Toerag did happen to pull
A slightly bruised banana, looking so much the fool
Laughing hysterically at this pitiful sight
Andrew then attempted to finish the fight

Andrew sent lead flying for fortune and fame
Still laughing so hard it was useless to aim
He emptied his gun of all six deadly shots
But not a one did claim their intended spots

Three errant shots did Andrew score on Balladeer's ewe
The others took poor spectator Suthern through and through
And when the dust settled Toe was also found dead
"Toe died of embarrassment." Is what they had said

With his job complete Andrew soon left the town
The bounty collected and Toe six feet down
But before he left this bit of wisdom he gave
Inscribed upon the head stone of dead Toerag's grave

The moral of this story if you're looking for one…
While in public never pull your banana for fun
You just may end up shooting your best friend
And so embarrassed you'll die in the end.




[This message has been edited by Andrew Scott (edited 09-24-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Andrew Scott - All Rights Reserved
PhaerieChild
Senior Member
since 08-30-99
Posts 1829
Aloha, Oregon


1 posted 09-24-1999 08:08 PM       View Profile for PhaerieChild   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PhaerieChild

Oh Gawd Andrew!!! This is just toooooo funny!!

------------------
What you hid from your parents as kids, you will hide from your kids as parents. ~Cletus T Judd~


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


2 posted 09-24-1999 10:06 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Laughing...you guys are just too much!!-

------------------
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints in our heart and we are never ever the same.

Thank you all for leaving footprints!!
Lucie
Senior Member
since 06-20-99
Posts 1123
Houston


3 posted 09-24-1999 10:55 PM       View Profile for Lucie   Email Lucie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lucie

BRAVO commander Andrew.. thought we lost you there for a bit..heheh
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


4 posted 09-27-1999 11:23 AM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

Took the weekend off
It seems so did Toe
Still aiming for him
So back to the top I go

Lt. Lucie: I forced him out of forum into another… had to switch gears… and now he's back here. One slippery character that Toe is, but I'll nay give up the fight.

Lady Hoot: Much gratitude to you for your response. Just me having fun.

Wild Child: Glad to have been of service, for humor is my true aim. Toe just happens to be the target.

Here Toe... Here Toeeee... come and read the nice little poem... That's a good boy Toe... come on...
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
5 posted 09-27-1999 11:41 AM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

this is so much fun Andrew......terrific humour here....terrific writng too.....

------------------

May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


6 posted 09-27-1999 11:46 AM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Andrew's mistaken, and his aim sucks too,
When he shot at Toerag, his aim wasn't true.
He shot at my crotch, it bounced right off,
Cuz I'd just gotten outta bed, with the woman he'd lost.

Being this kind and gentle type guy,
I just pulled the banana, and you may ask why?
Toe feels sorry, for poor Andrew Scott,
The women all laugh at, what "little" he's got.

The Cantina women, all talk about him,
How his preference isn't for sexy women,
The one gal that loved him, did all that she can,
But she still lost Andrew, to another man.

[This message has been edited by Toerag (edited 09-27-1999).]
JTF
Member
since 08-09-99
Posts 325
France


7 posted 09-27-1999 12:01 PM       View Profile for JTF   Email JTF   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for JTF

Oh my !!! ... ROFLMAO ... Andrew, in this kind of poetry, it is one of the best I've read ...

Toe, Great answer ... and now it's your time to shoot !
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


8 posted 09-27-1999 12:18 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Well, Andrew, I see you have performed magnificently! Wonderful job. Yep, Toe and his banana are well-known in these parts. Ever since that silly gal Suthern from Madam Ramitin's House of No Repute told Toe he needed more appeal, he's been carrying around that banana. Juanita's been after him ever since! It died and turned mushy months ago but he don't even know the difference. Thank you for a wonderful saga!
JTF
Member
since 08-09-99
Posts 325
France


9 posted 09-27-1999 12:32 PM       View Profile for JTF   Email JTF   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for JTF

ROFL @ It died and turned mushy months ago but he don't even know the difference .. Watch out Toe's revenge Deer !
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


10 posted 09-27-1999 12:33 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Wonderful saga, my left hind foot! LOL. He killed me off, 'Deer one... and you applaud his efforts AFTER you've called me silly??? See if I'm ever nice to you again!!! *G* Hmmmmm... On second thought, see if I'm ever nice to you! LOL

Toe: How kind you are to feel sorry for such riffraff. *G* How Andrew would love to have your appeal! LOL.

Andrew: Well done... except for that fantasy part where you ate all that cream pie... but Sally Sheep was smiling when you left? *G*
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


11 posted 09-27-1999 02:01 PM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

Andrew

This was a fine ballad, and most likely a true story. Did you notice how Toe's hiding behind Suthern's skirts? A real tenderfoot, he is.
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


12 posted 09-27-1999 02:34 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

LJA....I wasn't hiding....and it wasn't behind Suthern's skirt...it was under it....and my foot is the "Only" thing tender about me fella!.........Andrew's just jealous cuz I got the woman,,,,he got your sheepdog.....

[This message has been edited by Toerag (edited 09-27-1999).]
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


13 posted 09-27-1999 02:39 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

Oh yes… most definitely every word of this saga is true!… See, it's right here is black and white… ya, ok so its black and blue… but its still true! Especially the part about Andrew and the ladies! Toe doesn't know squat, just squash! Sir Balladeer… sorry about killing that silly ewe, but as it turned out she was a willing hostage of Toe's and at the last second she jumped in the way. Honestly I think she was going for the banana. As for Lady Suthern… well like you said Long John, Toe was hiding behind that skirt of her's and what's a bounty hunter to do? To everyone else thanks for looking in… glad I could make you smile.

[This message has been edited by Andrew Scott (edited 09-27-1999).]
RainbowGirl
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since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


14 posted 09-27-1999 02:53 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Andrew: Tears of laughter here...ROFL

HUGS

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


15 posted 09-27-1999 02:54 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Yassee? Andrew admits it's true...especially the parts about the women! How is old Lady Spot...Mr Scott?....Does she cum when ya hold up your tiny milkbone? Does she fetch? Does she roll over and play dead like the other gals used to do with you? Your poem was well written.......Superbly done....I guess you think, this is how the West was won...but remember ya old fruit...there's a rag for each Toe....you're flirtin with a hurtin'...just so ya know...I've been patient and kind, turning the other cheek...but you continue to beg, for me to use both feet....Ten Toes-ten rags....all gathered together.....keep messin' with Toerag...you'll wish that you'd never, started this amateur endeavor!

[This message has been edited by Toerag (edited 09-27-1999).]
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


16 posted 09-27-1999 03:12 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Toerag: ROFL @ tiny milkbone! *G* Andrew may end up regretting his amateur endeavors... but after his attempts to tarnish my sterling reputation, I'll enjoy the slaughter! LOL.

(And feel free to dive under those skirts anytime, sweetie... Andrew's just jealous cuz he's never made a woman yell OH, GOD except in disgust! LOL)
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


17 posted 09-27-1999 03:14 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

But Lady Spot sits up and begs? Now if he could just get her to stop pissin' on his leg? Wonder how them little "Scotty" Terriers are doing?
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


18 posted 09-27-1999 03:25 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

ROFLMAO...you guys are too much! Great work Sarg. Andrew! lol
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


19 posted 09-27-1999 06:15 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

The day will come
When I shall run
But not from Toerag's verbal snap

The battle I'll not shun
The humor to much fun
My sprint will be a victory lap

As for the K-9s
Better than bovines
Which Toe does seem to like

For just last night
In pale moon light
He gave a Gateway box the spike

Still not thinking! (That "milkbone" comment was very good )
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


20 posted 09-27-1999 07:43 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Tears rolling down my cheeks from the laughter. Thankyou you both of brightening my day. I will be looking forward to reading more of this duel.

Marilyn
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


21 posted 09-28-1999 03:02 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

Marilyn: Thanks for stopping by. Don't listen to that scalawag Toerag… It's just his ghost bemoaning his untimely demise.
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


22 posted 09-28-1999 03:04 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Marilyn....don't listen to that Andrew Scott, he really does love me....I know he does...he loves nature too.....(despite what it's done to him).......
Gansta of Love
Junior Member
since 09-28-1999
Posts 20
NLR,AR,USA


23 posted 09-28-1999 03:06 PM       View Profile for Gansta of Love   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gansta of Love

Yes, but I love you all. Thats how I got my name.
 
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