los banos, ca,
" to our baby girl,and my husband"
its so hard for me to tell you,
to look into your beautiful eyes,
and hold back all of this pain,
thats killing me inside.
its so hard to take away your dreams,
with words ripping in my soul,
i know you would have loved her,
so many times you told me so.
its so hard to stop from wondering,
who she would have become,
this is the deepest pain ive ever felt,
and to know its all from love.
its so hard to break your heart,
because mine's showing no sign of mending,
i wish that i could change so much,
but there is no use in pretending.
its so hard to ask you,
what your feeling now,
becuase the pain is unexplainable,
still ill try somehow.
ill try to tell you that im sorry,
that i can not change this,
i know inside it feels so wrong,
so much that well miss.
tell you that i need her,
more than she ever needed me,
to look into her eyes,
the ones ill never see.
tell you that im dying inside,
just as her tiny body did,
god my love i love you,
please find some way to help me through this.
wiping away your tears,
you place your hand on my stomach,
and you whisper to me soflty,
"this seems so unfair, doesnt it?"
i wish you knew how right you were,
in that heart tearing moment,
and every tear falling from your eyes,
offered no condolence.
i kneeled beside my bed,
a loss for words in my heart,
still i knew what must be said,
even though it tore me apart.
"god please keep her safe,"
"and tell her that i love her,"
"and when shes old enough to speak,"
"tell her im her mother,"
"and the man thats lying next to me,"
"she can call him daddy,"
"hes hurting an awful lot right now,"
"but he just wants her to be happy,"
"maybe you could show me,"
"her beautiful face someday,"
"for now please take could care of her,"
"and it breaks my heart she couldnt stay."
you woke to my tears last night,
and held me until the morning,
the sun had slipped away,
and the rian started pouring.
my soul is lost my love,
and i cant find it anywhere,
but i know we will get through this,
even though it seems to much to bear.
please my daughter,
in heaven now,
know that our love will always be here,
and you always will remain our angel.
we miss you so much,
but know that your safe,
maybe you deseved much more than we could give,
and i know in heaven youll recive that,
jsut remember well always be mommy and daddy.
[This message has been edited by amber (edited 01-05-2000).]