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Passions in Poetry

A Sad Goodbye (COMMENTS!!)

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Lorelei
Junior Member
since 09-22-1999
Posts 23
Philadelphia, PA


0 posted 09-23-1999 11:43 PM       View Profile for Lorelei   Email Lorelei   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Lorelei's Home Page   View IP for Lorelei

this radio plays a sad goodbye.
another lover tells a little white lie.
on the radio sings a lonely soul.
left with nothing but a deep dark hole.

the radio plays a sad love song.
someone is crying, knowing they're wrong.
on this radio, sings a woman who's moved on.
she won't cry for lost loves, cause she's strong.

this radio plays two lovers, so far apart.
one has left and broken the other's heart.
on this radio i sing, for i am stronger now.
i will never give up and never fall apart
© Copyright 1999 Lorelei - All Rights Reserved
Lucie
Senior Member
since 06-20-99
Posts 1123
Houston


1 posted 09-24-1999 12:20 AM       View Profile for Lucie   Email Lucie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lucie

I see a lot of poetry in here from you today. I like this one.. but you should work on the last stanza and get it all to rhyme. Maybe like this is, if you will allow me to suggest:

This song plays for two loves who are apart.
One has left and broken the other's heart.
With this song I sing, I am stronger now.
I will find a way to move on somehow.


And you really need to work on the flow.. read it out to your self.. it should read like the song it tells about.

[This message has been edited by Lucie (edited 09-24-1999).]
 
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