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Passions in Poetry

Second Best tell me what ya think

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AliceInWonderLand
New Member
since 09-23-1999
Posts 5
Philadelphia


0 posted 09-23-1999 01:47 AM       View Profile for AliceInWonderLand   Email AliceInWonderLand   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AliceInWonderLand



*SECOND BEST*

You said that girl you kissed last night met nothing,and you'll never see her again, so I take you back on your word, and I take all your new promises and place them with the empty ones I already heard.

And still, I take you back, even with all this pain and worry lied upon my chest, but I guess its something I have to settle for when I settle for second best.

And maybe you don't know how much you hurt me or maybe that is what you like, but I always seem to let you..... And I don't know why I let this go so far, maybe I'm just afraid to be alone, or maybe pain is the only real thing I ever knew....

I feel like I'm going backwards up a slide and its all my fault that my life is such a mess, but I guess its something that I want, but I don't want to settle for, but I don't think i deserve more than second best
© Copyright 1999 AliceInWonderLand - All Rights Reserved
Julie
Senior Member
since 08-20-99
Posts 742
Houston, TX


1 posted 09-23-1999 02:33 AM       View Profile for Julie   Email Julie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Julie

I enjoyed reading this. To critique...
remove where you can the "I's"; and I would change only real thing I ever knew to real
thing I know; you can afford to remove the
word all in front of fault. Be sure not
to lose your meaning when editing.

*Be sure YOU know (if this is now)
that he is getting 1st class.
I hope I am the first to say...
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!

------------------
Julie
-------------------------
..."to thine own self be true."
>William Shakespeare


anonymousposter
New Member
since 09-23-1999
Posts 3


2 posted 09-23-1999 02:17 PM       View Profile for anonymousposter   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for anonymousposter

I agree with the above comment. The word "I" is overutilized. But other than that, it reminds me of something I went through when I was a young lad. Keep writing!!
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