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Passions in Poetry

Rainbow Dress (comments Please!)

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DBeth
Member
since 09-09-99
Posts 110
providence,ky.42450


0 posted 09-22-1999 10:34 AM       View Profile for DBeth   Email DBeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for DBeth

I wrote this a few years ago.Any comments will be greatly appreciated!


She wore a white dress.
and a rainbow ribbon in her hair.
One candle burns on her birthday cake,Mom & Dad are there,wishing they could be like her without a care.

She wore a pink dress,to her school on her very first day.
Mom & Dad drove her there,
and they cried as they drove away.
Tears for her,but more tears for yesterday.

She wore a blue dress,and rode her bike to the corner store.
Daddy said now he's leaving for good,then he slams the door.
No good-byes,no more Daddy anymore.

And her Mother said,
It's not your fault that he went away.
There was nothing you could do.
Just please believe me when I say I'm so very proud of you.

She wore a red dress,and her Mothers single strand of pearls.
Dressed and ready for the Senior prom,what a lovely girl.
And her Mother said,
It's not your fault that he went away.
There was nothing you could do.
Just please believe me when I say I'm so very proud of you.

She wore a white dress.
One candle burns as it did before.
Her baby smiles at the sad old man,standing at the door.
And her Daddy said,
I don't know what I ever left here for.
And before he left,
he laid a gift,on baby's little bed.
Inside they found a rainbow dress of White,Pink Blue and Red.

DBeth


------------------


When we give of ourselves
whole heartedly,it comes
back around ten fold.
© Copyright 1999 DBeth - All Rights Reserved
Lucie
Senior Member
since 06-20-99
Posts 1123
Houston


1 posted 09-22-1999 10:41 AM       View Profile for Lucie   Email Lucie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lucie

Dbeth.. I liked the concept of this poem.. if you clean up the lines and the rythme a little.. make it flow more evenly. It could become an outstanding poem.
DBeth
Member
since 09-09-99
Posts 110
providence,ky.42450


2 posted 09-22-1999 10:44 AM       View Profile for DBeth   Email DBeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for DBeth

Thank you Lucie.Can you help me with it?

DBeth

------------------


When we give of ourselves
whole heartedly,it comes
back around ten fold.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


3 posted 09-22-1999 10:53 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

I loved it.... applauds!!!

------------------
"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" ~Albert Camus
DBeth
Member
since 09-09-99
Posts 110
providence,ky.42450


4 posted 09-22-1999 10:55 AM       View Profile for DBeth   Email DBeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for DBeth

Thank you Hoot! It was one of my firsts,I wasn't real sure about.

DBeth

------------------


When we give of ourselves
whole heartedly,it comes
back around ten fold.
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