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Passions in Poetry

Redemption.

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beowulf_26
Member
since 06-29-99
Posts 183


0 posted 09-20-1999 03:43 PM       View Profile for beowulf_26   Email beowulf_26   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for beowulf_26

This is the new revamped version courtesy of all the fine ideas shared in the critical analysis board.

I am frightened at what I see.
A brooding boy.
Shrouded in darkness.
Eyes seething contempt.

Contempt for his own flesh.
Hatred to the loins that spawned him.
Longing for his father.

A father married to his boss.
Shackled by the hate of his clan.
Lashing back.

How could the boy be borne
By this unsubstantial jellyfish
Floating with his own poison?

As the boy looks inside
He is saddened at what he sees.

A crying infant.
Hungry for attention.
Longing for his father.

The newborn looks at the boy
With knowing eyes
That wearily speak of experience
Far beyond his years.

Steely eyes forged by the pain
Of gazing upon caked blood refreshed by tears.
Knowing he could not intervene.

Knowing one day
The winds would shift
And the blows would rain on him.

But better him than his mother.
And better him so that it would
Fortify his resolve.

That when he was big enough,
Strong enough.
There would be no more fury.

Justice would be dealt.
All the pain caused by the beast
Would be reflected.

Oh, would he even fathom the pain?
Or the stiffness in his muscles in anticipation of the blow?
Would that dog?

There will be only
Only whimpering.
Begging for mercy.
Groveling.


The newborn looks
To the boy. The boy,
To the young man who sees his father.

Stripped of his control over a family.
Scrunched as if in the womb.
His chest heaving and wailing.

He pities this blinded shell of a man.
The boy’s head drops to the floor.
By some miracle he finds strength.

He forgives.
© Copyright 1999 beowulf_26 - All Rights Reserved
poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 07-25-99
Posts 2961
Arkansas


1 posted 09-20-1999 03:57 PM       View Profile for poetFemmeFatale   Email poetFemmeFatale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poetFemmeFatale

Oh man, I just can't believe this - and the ending is out of this world!! Not at all what I expected !! You definately have a way with telling a story!!

I wanted to thank you for all your wonderful comments on my work...dare I say you are a "fan" of mine ?? he he he I'm flattered that you find a spark of hope and smiles in reading my heart. ***

------------------
I beckon you to come...I lure you with my tongue... - poet FemmeFatale


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


2 posted 09-20-1999 05:29 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

You've done a wonderful job with this post...it's gripping to say the least and I agree with Poet...the ending comes as a surprise. Well Done!!!

------------------
"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" ~Albert Camus
beowulf_26
Member
since 06-29-99
Posts 183


3 posted 09-20-1999 08:15 PM       View Profile for beowulf_26   Email beowulf_26   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for beowulf_26

Thank you much both of you. I consider myself a "fan" of both of your works. Ironically, I am even more flattered by the fact that you took time to respond to my poem. Thanks again.
beowulf_26 will be notified of replies
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