san diego, ca.
After this long decade of pain and torment,
You finally reach me with comfort,
Even if only in my dreams.
You reach me with a sense of your own comfort,
Your own peace,
A strong hug on the patio,
As if I were visiting,
With everything right,
I wish I could see you,
Talk to you,
Tell you how much I love you,
Not just in reply to your many "love you"'s,
But me saying it first,
And meaning it, the way I so strongly do now,
Now that you are gone.
Is it really you visiting me in the night?
At first I was not sure,
For I met a man that first dream,
Who did not look me in the eye,
Did not seem to recognize me,
Though I knew he was you.
Slowly, with each dream, your old self,
As old as when we were a family,
As old as when you were happy,
Long before illness.
I broke down within my dream.
Felt my chest heave,
Over the loss of you.
Could not imagine waking up,
Never wanting to leave this painful dream,
Never wanting to leave you there.
Could not imagine letting go upon waking,
Despised the day ahead,
Longing for sleep again,
If only to see you
One last time.