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Passions in Poetry

Passing of Time

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rogen of the night
Junior Member
since 09-07-99
Posts 29


0 posted 09-12-99 04:49 AM       View Profile for rogen of the night   Email rogen of the night   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rogen of the night

As I drift into the bottomless pit
known as sleep
The last few images on my mind
Are of you and the times we spent together,
You resting in my arms like a newborn child
Resting in its mothers arms
Crying for fear of being released.

But just like the baby
You left my arms after time
Leaving me afraid and scared
As I stood back watching you from a far
Hoping you will make all the right choices in life
And the doubts you have for your self
Will pass in time.

((thank you all for taking the time to read please leave a post letting me know what you think))

------------------
The wise man is the storm prays God,not for safety from danger,but for deliverance from fear.It is the storm within which endangers him,not the storm without.
~~Ralh Waldo Emerson~~

[This message has been edited by rogen of the night (edited 09-13-99).]
© Copyright 1999 rogen of the night - All Rights Reserved
U K Hero
Member
since 08-08-99
Posts 271
England


1 posted 09-12-99 01:42 PM       View Profile for U K Hero   Email U K Hero   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for U K Hero

I hope you take this in the manner it is intended.
Personally ( and I know others would disagree to some degree ) I would make just a slight change in the layout . Thus

As I drift into the bottomless pit
known as sleep
The last few images on my mind
Are of you and the times we spent together,
You resting in my arms like a newborn child
Resting in its mothers arms
Crying for fear of being released.

But just like the baby
You left my arms after time
Leaving me afraid and scared
As I stood back watching you from a far
Hoping you will make all the right choices in life
And the doubts you have for your self
Will pass in time.

(and yes I enjoyed it)

caroline
Senior Member
since 08-16-99
Posts 1251
http://members.xoom.com/bellad


2 posted 09-12-99 01:55 PM       View Profile for caroline   Email caroline   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for caroline

Rogen it is a wonderful piece of work, and I agree with UK Hero, the format helps add emphasis to your words. Your poem is an unusual vision, I quite like it.

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The only man worth your tears will never make you cry...
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


3 posted 09-12-99 01:59 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Ditto! Very enjoyable! Ditto the format change too!

------------------
Denise
rogen of the night
Junior Member
since 09-07-99
Posts 29


4 posted 09-13-99 05:18 AM       View Profile for rogen of the night   Email rogen of the night   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rogen of the night

Thank you all and U K Hero I agree now that I go back and look at it the format makes it a lot better the way you said.Thanx everyone

------------------
The wise man is the storm prays God,not for safety from danger,but for deliverance from fear.It is the storm within which endangers him,not the storm without.
~~Ralh Waldo Emerson~~
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