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Passions in Poetry

I Died For Love

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DBeth
Member
since 09-09-99
Posts 110
providence,ky.42450


0 posted 09-09-99 02:32 PM       View Profile for DBeth   Email DBeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for DBeth


In a park where I dwelt I met a man I knew so well.He came and stole my heart from me.Now that man has set me free.He sat a girl upon his knee and told her things he never told me.I ran home to my bed and told my father nothing was said.In my room which in he broke, he found me hanging from a rope."Daughter dear what have you done ?" You've killed yourself for one man's son. Dig my grave and dig it deep, marble stone from head to feet.And on my stone place a dove,to show the world I DIED FOR LOVE.
© Copyright 1999 DBeth - All Rights Reserved
Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 09-09-99 06:35 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Very tragic, yet very unusual. I enjoyed this style.

------------------
Denise
Poet deVine
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Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


2 posted 09-09-99 09:12 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Welcome to the family!

Here's where the family gets interesting.. I didn't like the style......the poem was good, but I'm an old fashioned reader and like format, I guess. This is not criticism just comment.......
Star Fairy 2
Member
since 09-06-99
Posts 260
cerritos, california, usa


3 posted 09-09-99 09:20 PM       View Profile for Star Fairy 2   Email Star Fairy 2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Star Fairy 2

I've read this like 20 times. Those feelings of giving up because of lost love keep coming back, but there are many more things to live for in life than there are to die for.

------------------
"If to rectify your demeanor,
You must imitate another,
Your philosiphy on morality
Is a burden on your mentality,
Your actions based on popularity,
Will never fulfill you internally,
Cuz the world was not blessed with equality,
But rather with fake geniality.
--823--
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


4 posted 09-09-99 09:22 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

I like the message behind this very much and am absolutely floored by the last four lines...they are wonderful. I've taken the liberty of adjusting the format and adding a few words here and there, just a suggestion. I'm still not real comfortable with lines 5&6, but really don't have any suggestions for them at this point. Like I said, the message behind this one is a good one...nicely done.

In a park near where I dwell,
I met a man I knew so well.
He came and stole my heart from me.
Now that man has set me free.
He sat a girl upon his knee,
Told her things he never told me.
I ran home to my bed,
Told my father nothing was said.
In my room which in he broke,
He found me hanging from a rope.
"Daughter dear what have you done ?
You've killed yourself for one man's son."
Dig my grave and dig it deep,
Marble stone from head to feet.
And on my stone please place a dove,
To show the world I DIED FOR LOVE.

------------------
"Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald

[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 09-09-99).]
 
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