Nutritionists and physicians,
Don't be offended please--
Who am I, a lowly layman
To contradict your expertise?
But you determine ideal weight
By consulting a standard chart,
Which, in my humble opinion,
Is the opposite of smart.
I've studied the chart for males
Of my age and of my height,
And I can only make the weight,
If I never eat another bite.
To starve myself down to the weight
Your chart says is right for me
Means no more Sundays on the beach
For fear I'd be blown out to sea.
Would I become so thin and light
I'd be sucked into an exhaust vent?
Don't you think that if that happens
Someone might wonder where I went?
But keep your chart and use it.
Just label it "Ideal Weights
For ascetics, fashion models
And concentration camp inmates."