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Passions in Poetry

Faithful and true

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LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


0 posted 09-07-99 04:17 PM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for LngJhnAg

Her dreams suffered his assaults,
His invectives plunged deeper still.
His words were a wind of erosion,
His indifference denied her replies.
She said, "I love you," through tearing eyes,
To which he'd respond with corrosion,
That if one's looks could truly kill
She would pay for each of his faults.

He was more bitter than the salt of the earth,
In him not a drop of life could exist.
In the barren wasteland of his heart
Where love would never grow strong
He was too blind to see he was wrong,
That he'd destroyed her very best part,
With words less spoken than hissed,
Each metered for its destructive worth.

He was certain he deserved much more
Than the woman who gave up so much.
She stood silent and weathered his storms
Though he preferred to stand alone.
With emotions of cold lifeless stone,
He resisted her love in all its forms
And offered only his coldest touch
For, there was nothing within his core.

But she loved him. He was the perfect son.
© Copyright 1999 Michael Waterman - All Rights Reserved
Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 06-20-99
Posts 2589
Normal, Illinois


1 posted 09-07-99 05:07 PM       View Profile for Lost Dreamer   Email Lost Dreamer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lost Dreamer

Not what I expected when I opened up this post, knowing your humorous side this caught me off guard. It is wonderful just the same, you have a serious side I see now too. Great job expressing the feelings between a mother, and a son.
Iloveit
Senior Member
since 09-02-99
Posts 1168
NM


2 posted 09-07-99 05:34 PM       View Profile for Iloveit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Iloveit

beautiful poem, great writing LJ...loved it
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


3 posted 09-07-99 06:47 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Oh LJA, I can really relate to this one. My oldest son it seems sometimes has taken my heart, ripped it out of my chest and placed it on a plate as offering to my love of him. This is a profound piece of work!!

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"Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


4 posted 09-07-99 06:49 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

A man of many sides...and all talented. Nice work, LJA
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


5 posted 09-07-99 08:44 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

LJA you did a great job with this! Though it caught me off gaurd. I thought it was a husband or something! Very well done!
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


6 posted 09-07-99 08:52 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

WOW! Very powerful with a striking blow at the end. I bow to you and yours for this excellent offering. Thanks for sharing. I go away stunned.
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


7 posted 09-07-99 10:48 PM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

Thank you one and all. As for me being a humorist - hmmmm - I kinda like writing the serious stuff more often than not.

On the lighter side - I think I'll stay away from a ABCDDCBA structure for awhile. Its way too hard to pick up the rhyme when reading it out loud.

Lovey!!!! Your monicker almost slipped by me. Welcome aboard, lil O&O.

[This message has been edited by LngJhnAg (edited 09-07-99).]
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


8 posted 09-08-99 08:33 AM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Yassee?...With LongJohn ya just never know....it's kinda like an Alfred Hitchcock flick everytime ya read one of his poems.....Starts out real serious, thought provoking, deep,....and before ya know it, he ends it with some kinda hilarious SMACK!...Then, just to really keep ya off guard, he writes something like this? Everytime I read something of his, I just know that the last line or two are gonna be unexpected......Great job sailor....
poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 07-25-99
Posts 2961
Arkansas


9 posted 09-08-99 10:11 AM       View Profile for poetFemmeFatale   Email poetFemmeFatale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poetFemmeFatale

Yeah, I was reading along thinking it sounded like alot of men I know.....when **smack** it was her son she was referring to! So many men are SO angry on the inside! I'm in awe at how cold a man gets - revengeful with spite and a hatred for women! Women get hurt too, I guess we're just more subtle about it, we hide our hearts....cower from trusting again....but men get downright ugly about it!
Fabulous read here, sir! I agree that the rhyme was a bit hard to hear, but a fabulous piece nonetheless.....great form, I'm sure it was hard to keep up that pattern! I'm not sure I'd have the patience for writing like that!! BRAVO! **curtsies

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I beckon you to come...I lure you with my tongue... - poet FemmeFatale


suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


10 posted 09-08-99 10:14 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Well done, sailor!!!
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
11 posted 09-08-99 10:19 AM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

I too was caught by the surprise ending....this is a poignant piece that shows your remarkable talent....

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May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


12 posted 09-08-99 04:22 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

I haven't read much of your work, LJ, but plan on doing so. This was an interesting read and I enjoyed it; it delved into the emotions of a mother, something with which I could identify. I'm very glad I saw your own comment to this poem, as the rhyme scheme eluded me for a bit and I agree, that is a difficult rhyme scheme to master. I do think you did a decent job with it, but as you pointed it out, reading it aloud is the real test. I wonder if the search function works again? I think I'll seek out some more of your work to read and discover the humorous side others have mentioned.

dp
ac
Member
since 06-17-99
Posts 132
Cayey, PR - USA


13 posted 09-08-99 04:35 PM       View Profile for ac   Email ac   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ac

It seems as though it's mostly the mother who is unconditionally true and faithful. Even with children who are full of spite and seem to be born so hateful. A really good piece...loved the end...

[This message has been edited by ac (edited 09-08-99).]
 
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