Newport Beach, CA, USA
Actually, it is a lovely poem, it really is, but it is not a very good haiku. First of all, haiku NEVER rhymes....kiss of death for the poem.Secondly, this is an oriental form, quite ancient and respected...."doth" has no business in a poem of this kind. It is totally out of place here.Gosh, I am sounding antagonistic..sorry, don't mean to. This form is something I know a lot about (probably more than 90% of the people who write it today...at least) and it really is frustrating when I see it so abused.Also, a true haiku will have a kind of turn somewhere, usually in the last line...your poem lacks such a turn. That is one of the hardest parts of writing haiku...making that connection that would seem unusual. Please visit my webpage and read some of mine, maybe it will help you understand what I mean. www.room1401.com/beki
So I can leave this on a positive note, I will say that you showed great economy of words in your poem and that is also a characteristic of haiku...with so few syllables you can't afford to waste a single one and you seem to have a fine grasp of that. Keep practicing, it is the best way to learn (that and reading lots of good poetry!)
"We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion.....the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"
--John Keating, Dead Poets Society