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Passions in Poetry

Winter's Breath- Haiku

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Tim
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since 06-08-99
Posts 1801


0 posted 09-03-99 01:20 PM       View Profile for Tim   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Tim

North wind's icy breath
Doth hasten snow's arrival
Winter's kiss of death.

[This message has been edited by Tim (edited 09-03-99).]
© Copyright 1999 Tim - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1 posted 09-03-99 02:24 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

geez, Tim, can we get through Fall first?

Good job!
Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


2 posted 09-03-99 11:10 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Lovely, Tim. Simply lovely!!

------------------
Denise
Nan
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since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


3 posted 09-03-99 11:27 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Nicely done, of course -
But
That's easy for you to say - sitting in Nevada.....
caroline
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since 08-16-99
Posts 1251
http://members.xoom.com/bellad


4 posted 09-03-99 11:33 PM       View Profile for caroline   Email caroline   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for caroline

Beautiful, Tim! But believe me, winter is not the kiss of death here...*LOL*...we are starting to get that cool fall weather now..the high temp was only 91 today! A real cold front... !!!

------------------
The only man worth your tears will never make you cry...
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


5 posted 09-05-99 09:29 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Veru nice Haiku......you expressed this wonderfully

------------------
"Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


6 posted 09-05-99 10:42 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Excellent Haiku! I can feel the change in seasons...our fall lasts 5 minutes here... Are you getting out your snowshovel there?
Sue
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since 08-04-99
Posts 407
France


7 posted 09-05-99 01:55 PM       View Profile for Sue   Email Sue   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sue

I love it!
Beki
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since 09-15-99
Posts 1615
Newport Beach, CA, USA


8 posted 09-21-1999 10:32 PM       View Profile for Beki   Email Beki   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Beki

Actually, it is a lovely poem, it really is, but it is not a very good haiku. First of all, haiku NEVER rhymes....kiss of death for the poem.Secondly, this is an oriental form, quite ancient and respected...."doth" has no business in a poem of this kind. It is totally out of place here.Gosh, I am sounding antagonistic..sorry, don't mean to. This form is something I know a lot about (probably more than 90% of the people who write it today...at least) and it really is frustrating when I see it so abused.Also, a true haiku will have a kind of turn somewhere, usually in the last line...your poem lacks such a turn. That is one of the hardest parts of writing haiku...making that connection that would seem unusual. Please visit my webpage and read some of mine, maybe it will help you understand what I mean. www.room1401.com/beki
So I can leave this on a positive note, I will say that you showed great economy of words in your poem and that is also a characteristic of haiku...with so few syllables you can't afford to waste a single one and you seem to have a fine grasp of that. Keep practicing, it is the best way to learn (that and reading lots of good poetry!)
friends?

------------------
"We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion.....the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"
--John Keating, Dead Poets Society
Tim
Senior Member
since 06-08-99
Posts 1801


9 posted 09-22-1999 12:16 AM       View Profile for Tim   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tim

Appreciate your comments... I do recognize traditional japanese haiku does not rhyme...
I ran across a site of Brazilian haiku that does and caught my interest... I will try a traditional Japanese haiku and see what you think... and yes... the break is hard to accomplish... again.. thanks for comments..
Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


10 posted 02-20-2011 04:46 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Beautiful.

A
ColieStar
New Member
since 04-22-2012
Posts 1
NY, USA


11 posted 04-22-2012 12:22 PM       View Profile for ColieStar   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for ColieStar

Simply lovely. I adore haikus and this is so well done. I am, however, glad that the winter is now past.

~Star

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